Perspective · Psychology

The Science Of Why Are Some People Attracted To Children

pedophilia_nightowls_lk

Having worked with police forces in Australia and the United Kingdom identifying those who sexually prey on children, people are always asking me how you can tell a paedophile from everyone else.

Well, I can tell you one thing – they don’t have horns and tails. They look and act like you and me. Except for one key difference: they’re sexually attracted to children.

What Is A Paedophile?

Paedophiles (as defined by the fifth Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) are individuals who are preferentially or solely sexually attracted to prepubescent children, generally 13 years or less.

There are distinct classifications for other attractions to children, depending on the developmental stage the adult is sexually attracted to. Those who find children on the cusp of puberty sexually attractive are known as “hebephiles”. “Ephebophiles” are individuals who are sexually attracted to children who have reached puberty.

Not all paedophiles are child sex offenders, and conversely not all child sex offenders are paedophiles. Some people who sexually abuse children are not preferentially attracted to children at all. The abuse is a matter of opportunity: the child is a sexual surrogate for an unavailable adult or the abuse represents a need to dominate and control another human being.

So, to de-muddy the water, I will restrict this discussion to those with an attraction to children: preferential child sex offenders.

How Do People Access Children?

Almost 90% of sexually abused children are abused by someone they know.

Of the remaining 10%, some are victimised as part of the sex trade, where children are bought and sold for cash. This was brought into the spotlight this week with the news that a Melbourne man allegedly travelled to Los Angeles to purchase a six-year-old boy for sex.

Sadly this is not unusual. INTERPOL (the world police) has noted a recent increase in people who travel abroad to sexually abuse children; a process known as “child sex tourism”.

Sex tourism has become the scourge of the 21st century as a result of increased and cheap world travel, and Australia has its fair share of sex tourists. Many people believe they won’t get caught if they travel to (often) developing countries to abuse children or that Australian laws don’t apply abroad. Wrong.

Any Australian travelling abroad to sexually abuse children will face the same charges as if they offended on home turf. The Federal Police are well aware of this sinister activity and have already successfully prosecuted a number of individuals under Child Sex Tourism laws.

Are They Likely To Re-Offend?

When it comes to preferential – or fixated – child sex offenders, some don’t even realise what they are doing is wrong. They genuinely believe they are showing the children “love”.

Shocking as that may be to those who don’t share their sexual attraction to children, this is why one serial sex offender told me he offends. He understands that society deems what he did was wrong, but he can’t understand why this is the case.

Recidivism rates among child sex offenders are high. Around 17% of child sex offenders are likely to re-offend within two years. Those who truly believe they are not harming children through sexual contact are highly unlikely to be rehabilitated.

Governments have considered “chemical castration” – drugs to reduce the libido – as a sentencing option for judges in Australia. But this is already a voluntary option for offenders and we know it does not work. Often, child sex offenders are driven by a desire to dominate and control, not simply sexual desire.

So Why Do People Sexually Abuse Children?

There are a number of potential reasons.

Some people who have been sexually abused as children will go on to become offenders. Studies suggest anywhere between 33% and 75% of child sexual abuse victims will later become offenders.

The practical application of this information is that preventing child sexual abuse will reduce, but not eradicate, some occurrences later.

Then there are others who have not been abused as children but find children sexually attractive. Research suggests there may be a biological reason for this. Data published in Biology Letters found paedophiles’ brains are, in essence, wired to find immature faces attractive.

Improving our understanding of how paedophiles’ brains work will ultimately help identify those with a sexual interest in children, if not those who are willing and able to act on those urges.

How Many Child Sex Offenders Are Out There?

We have no idea how many people have a sexual preference for children.

One of the only ways we can gauge sexual interest in children is by plotting the ever-increasing number of websites that cater for sex offenders of all types, including child sex offenders, and those caught accessing child sexual abuse material.

To give you an idea, in 2015 INTERPOL’s collaborations with police forces all over the world had led to the arrest of more than 4,000 offenders who had accessed child sexual abuse images.

It is very hard to estimate the proportion of sex offenders in the general population, as few people admit to a sexual interest in children. One clinical researcher based a guestimate of around 2% on a European sample of male volunteers.

There is some hope clinicians may be able to help identify people with these inclinations through an analysis of brain function. Hopefully one day we may be able to understand the causation of inappropriate sexual desires towards children more readily, and prevent the cycle of abuse continuing.

Originhttp://www.iflscience.com/brain/psychology-paedophile-why-are-some-people-attracted-children/

Psychology · Sociology

Perfectionism Can Kill Women’s Self Esteem And Sex Life: Why Sexual Arousal Isn’t As Chemical As You Think

perfection
Perfectionism can seriously mess with sexual function. Pixabay Public Domain

Feel like your partner is just too demanding, and that you’ll never live up to expectations? This could mean bad news for when you’re in the bedroom, according to a new study from the University of Kent.

Psychologists at the university conducted the first in-depth look at how several types of sexual perfectionism affect women’s arousal and functioning over time. Perfectionism, which includes the incessant striving for flawlessness and exceedingly high standards, is a common personality trait. Though perfectionism is often associated with more visible domains of life — school, work, chores — it can rear its head in private situations as well. The long term consequences of perfectionism on sex life had not previously been explored, so Professor Joachim Stoeber at the university’s School of Psychology set out to change that.

He and coauthor Laura N. Harvey looked at the responses of 366 women who had completed surveys between December 2013 and February 2014. The women were either students at the university or Internet users, with average ages of 19.2 and 30 years, respectively. The women were not told the exact goal of the study, but just that the survey was investigating how “personal and interpersonal expectations and beliefs affect one’s sexuality and sexual function.”

The researchers examined four different forms of sexual perfectionism: self-oriented, where a person applies perfectionist standards to themselves as sexual partners (feeling as though they should act and look a certain way to be the “best” partner possible); partner-oriented, where they apply these standards to their sexual partners; partner-prescribed perfectionism, which is when a person believes their sexual partner is imposing perfectionist standards on them; and lastly, socially prescribed sexual perfectionism, or the belief that society is imposing perfectionist sexual standards on them.

Previous studies have identified partner-prescribed and socially prescribed perfectionism as poorly adjusted sexuality, associated with problematic sexual behaviors, like feeling forced to act a certain way for a partner’s benefit, and sexual insecurity. However, these studies only involved cross-sectional relationships, meaning the study only looked at a single point in time. The current study was longitudinal — making comparisons over time — and not only affirmed that partner-prescribed sexual perfectionism contributed to women worrying they weren’t good enough sexually, but also female sexual dysfunction. Specifically, this type of perfectionism was associated with decreases in female arousal.

The negative effects of partner-prescribed perfectionism didn’t end there. These standards also predicted decreases in sexual self-esteem and increases in sexual anxiety, suggesting a deeply psychological effect. The findings could be useful to counselors, therapists, and clinicians who work with women on their sexual health and function.

This research adds to the evidence that female sexual dysfunction may not always, or ever, be about a hormonal or chemical imbalance. Good communication between partners has been consistently cited as the key ingredient to successful arousal and pleasure among women, augmented by the fact that dirty talk is one of the best ways to improve a couple’s sex life. Though hormones certainly play a role in sexual function, a much bigger part may be environmental and social: some psychologists even go so far to claim sex drive doesn’t exist.

Source: Stoeber J, Harvey L. Multidemensional Sexual Perfectionism and Female Sexual Function: A Longitudinal Investigation. Archives of Sexual Behavior. 2016.

Originhttp://www.medicaldaily.com/perfectionism-female-sexual-dysfunction-low-self-esteem-380131

Biology & Chemistry · History · Psychology · Sociology

Cause of Pedophile On Neurology’s View

 

pedophilia_nightowls_lk

By : Dick Swabb

The shocking scale of child abuse within the Catholic Church has come to light in recent years. The first cases emerged in the United States, then in the Ireland, where, within the bishopric of Dublin alone, hundreds of children were abused between 1976 and 20014. Cases in Germany were subsequently exposed, after which hundred of victims came foward in the Netherlands. These revelations show that, as a result of the taboo surrounding pedophilia, we have no idea how frequently such abuse actually occurs–not just in the church but in general.

Pedophilia can have different causes. If an adult suddenly experiences pedophilic urges, they may have a brain tumor in the prefrontal cortex, temporal cortex or hypothalamus. Sometimes it is a symptom of dementia. A sudden switch in sexual inclination to pedophilia has also been caused by operations to cure epilepsy by removing part of the anterior temporal lobe. Such patients can go on to develop Kluver-Bucy syndrome, which involves the loss of sexual inhibition. In the United States, a man who started to download child pornography after an operation of this kind was recently sentenced to ninteen months of imprisonment! Pedophilia can also be caused by infection of the brain, Parkinson’s, multiple sclerosis and brain trauma.

But a neurological cause for pedophilia is rare. Most pedophiles have always been attracted to children, and the cause can be traced to fetal brain development and early development after birth. Just as gender identity and sexual orientation are determined by genetic background and the interaction between a fetus’s sex hormones and its developing brain, so too pedophilia can apparently be explained by genetic and other factors causing the brain to develop abnormally at an early stage, leading to structural differences. I was once shown a family tree that included three generations of pedophile men. Deviant sexual behavior (like pedophilia) is displayed by a high percentage (18 percent) of first-degree relatives of pedophiles, pointing to genetic factor. In addition, pedophiles are more likely to have been sexually abused by adults as young children. At the end of 2009, the leader of the Northern Irish party Sinn Fein, Gerry Adams, went public with the painful family secret that his father had abused his own children, while his brother was in turn suspected of having sexually abused his daughter. Whether abuse as a children causal factor in the development of pedophilia in adulthood or whether there’s a genetic factor in such families, still needs to be investigated.

Daniel Gajdusek (1923-2008), a man of remarkable talent who studied physics, biology, mathematics and medicine in the United States, thought that abuse as a child could cause pedophilia. He had himself been abused by an uncle as a child. I once had the dubious honor of chairing a lecture by the hypomanic Gajdusek; my colleagues were amused by my vain attempts to keep him in check. Gajdusek had been researching the cause of mass deaths of young women and children from the disease kuru in the villages in the interior of New Guinea in 1957. At the time, it was still a Dutch colony, and he was able to find his way there by using Dutch ordnance survey maps that he’d stolen from the Leiden endocrinology department headed by Dries Querido. Gajdusek discovered that the deaths were indirectly caused by cannibalism. Long after they had eaten the brain of conquered enemies, the victims were struck down by a slow-acting virus, one of whose symptoms was dementia. The disease turned out to be caused by prions (infectious agents mad of protein) just like mad cow disease. In 1996 Gajdusek was awarded the Novel Prize for Medicine. However, when he returned from New Guinea and other remote locations it wasn’t just with brain tissue for further research; he also brought back fifty-six children, mostly little boys. We always thought that this was very odd. He took them into his home and gave them an education, but as an accusation made by a man who had lived with him as a child later revealed, also molested them. He was imprisoned for a year and died in 2009.

There are all kinds of factors in early development that could influence the risk of developing pedophilia. It would seem logical to study them, but the taboo on this condition stands in the way. Who in our society would dare openly admit to being pedophile and take part in research into the causes of this disorder?

In recent years, the first structural differences have been reported between the brains of pedophiles and those of remote control groups. A study involving magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) showed that the former have less gray matter (neurons) in the various area of the brain, like the hypothalamus, the bend nucleus of the stria terminalis (whose size also differs in the transsexuals), and the amygdala, which play a role in sex, fear and aggressive behavior. It moreover emerged that the smaller the amygdala, the more like an individual was to commit pedophilic crimes. Exposure to emotional and erotic images of adult sparks less activity in the hypothalamus and prefrontal cortex of pedophile men than in control men, which ties in with the fact that pedophiles are less sexually interested in adults. Convicted pedophiles display greater amygdala activity than control men in response to image of children. Functional scans of the brain of homosexual, heterosexual and pedophile men shown pictures of men, women, girls and boys moreover show a clear difference between these group in terms of brain activity. However, we must bear in mind that research into pedophilia focuses solely on a small, selected group of pedophiles. The majority are able to control their urges, don’t commit crimes, and therefore aren’t studied.

Sexual abuse damages children and is punished, not only for reasons of atonement but also to prevent further abuse. The latter objective poses a problem, though because how do you change behavior that has been programmed in the brain at an early stage of development? In the past, every conceivable effort has been made to change homosexual men into heterosexuals, without any success whatsoever. The same applies to pedophiles. Not so long ago, a court in Utrecht heard the case of sixty-year-old heterosexual church minister charged with pedosexuality. The prosecution called for a sentence of ten months in prison, but after a great deal deliberation he was eventually given a community sentence. How things have changed.

There was a time when an obscure mix of arguments bearing on eugenics, punishment, the protection of society, and the repression of homosexuality led to the castration of pedosexuals in Netherlands. Between 1938 to 1968, at least four hundred sex offenders were “voluntarily” castrated. This practice wasn’t laid down by law. These were offenders detained under a hospital order who were given the choice of his life imprisonment or castration. They had to submit a standard letter to minister of justice, the text of which ran, “May i humbly crave Your Excellency’s permission to be castrated?”. Up to 1950, 80 percent of the castrated men were pedosexual, a situation complicated by the high legal age of sexual consent (sixteen). In Germany, the hypothalami of pedophiles were surgically lesioned in the hope that this would change their sexual orientation. These brain operations were never scientifically documented.

The incidence of chemical castrations among offenders detained under a hospital order is currently increasing. This involves suppressing the libido with a substance that diminishes the effect of testosterone. It can provide relief at being freed from sexual obsession. However, it’s worrying that some of the individuals are being chemically castrated because the authorities would otherwise deny that applications for leave. These substance certainly aren’t suitable for every sex offender, and the side effects, including the development of breasts, obesity and osteoporosis are serious.

The pedosexual minister from Utrecht can thank his lucky stars that things have changed since the days of formal castration requests. The judge who presided over his case was worried about reoffending, and rightly so. Nevertheless, he thought that the six-week pretiral detention would have a deterrent effect and that the combination of a long conditional sentence and a community order would be more effective than lenghty imprisonment. Whether he was right we’ll never know, because the judicial system has no tradition of researching the effectiveness of its punishments. And the medical world, alas, has no tradition of researching the factors in early development that cause pedophilia. Doing away with the taboo on such research could shed light on these factors and on the best methods of checking pedophile impulses and stopping people from reoffending. This would prevent a great deal of misery for all concerned.

The same applies to female pedophiles. The idea that women can’t be guilty of pedosexuality has been found to be a myth. Sexual abuse of children by women is usually perpetrated by mothers on their own offspring. For the most part, the victims are girls with and average age of around six. The mothers tend to be poor and uneducated and often have mental health problem like cognitive impairment, psychoses, or addictions.

An initiative in Canada has shown that it’s possible to tackle this issue by quite simple means. There, pedosexuals are helped by group of volunteers after their detention. The resulting social network has been shown to cut reoffending rates quite considerably. This is much better than the situation in the Netherlands, where in late 2009, a pedophile was first banned from the city of Eindhoven by its mayor, then prohibited from entering a national park in the province of Utrecht. The man now lives in his car and travels from parking lot to parking lot. That’s asking for trouble. But the Netherlands is trying out the Canadian initiative. Another way of preventing child abuse might to be issue smart form of fake child pornography that don’t involve the abuse of real children. Milton Diamond, a renowned sexologist in Hawaii, has found considerable evidence to suggest that his works. However, it will no doubt prove difficult to convince the authorities to consider such an innovative idea.

Origin : We Are Our Brains, Dick Swaab, m/s 72-77, terbitan Penguin Group, 2014.

Biology & Chemistry · History · Psychology · Sociology

Punca Pedofilia Dari Sudut Neurologi

pedophilia_nightowls_lk

Oleh : Dick Swaab

Perkara yang mengejutkan tentang penganiayaan kanak-kanak dalam Gereja Katolik telah menjadi jelas baru-baru ini. Kes pertama timbul di Amerika Syarikat, kemudian di Ireland. Dalam pentadbiran uskup Dublin sahaja, beratus-ratus kanak-kanak dianiaya sekitar 1976 hingga 2004. Kes di Jerman kemudiannya terbongkar selepas beratus-ratus mangsa tampil di Netherland. Pendedahan ini menunjukkan wujudnya tabu yang berkaitan dengan pedofilia. Kita tidak tahu kekerapan penganiayaan telah berlaku yang bukan sahaja di gereja, tetapi pada selainnya.

Pedofilia terjadi disebabkan beberapa punca. Jika seseorang dewasa tiba-tiba mengalami desakan pedofilia, mereka mungkin mengalami tumor otak di korteks prefrontal, korteks temporal atau hipotalamus. Kadangkala disebabkan gejala demensia. Perubahan mengejut pada kecenderungan seksual kepada pedofilia juga disebabkan pembedahan dalam pemulihan epilepsi dengan membuang sebahagian luba temporal anteriror. Pesakit itu mampu terkena sindrom Kluver-Bucy yang menyebabkan kesekatlakuan seks. Di Amerika Syarikat, orang yang mula-mula memuat turun pornografi kanak-kanak dihukum penjara sembilan bulan baru-baru ini selepas pembedahan ini! Pedofilia juga disebabkan jangkitan di otak, Parinson, sklerosis dan trauma otak.

Namun, sebab secara neurologi bagi pedofilia masih pelik. Kebanyakan pedofilia selalu tertarik pada kanak-kanak yang puncanya dapat dikesan pada perkembangan otak janin dan perkembangan awal semasa kelahiran. Sepertimana identiti jantia dan orientasi seksual ditentukan dengan latar belakang genetik dan interaksi antara hormon jantina jantina dan perkembangan otaknya, begitu juga pedofilia yang nampaknya mampu dijelaskan dengan genetik dan faktor lain yang menyebabkan otak berkembang secara abnormal pada peringkat awal yang membawa kepada perbezaan struktur.

Saya pernah ditunjukkan silsilah keluarga yang termasuklah tiga generasi lelaki pedofilia. Perlakuan seksual yang menyimpang (seperti pedofilia) dipaparkan dengan peratus yang tinggi (18 peratus) pada tingkatan kerabat pedofilia yang pertama sebagai penetapan faktor genetik. Tambahan pula, pedofilia berkemungkinan besar berpunca dianiaya secara seksual oleh orang dewasa ketika usia muda. Pada penghujung 2009, rahsia derita keluarga pemimpin parti Northen Irish, iaitu Sinn Fein dan Gerry Adam telah terbongkar bahawa ayahnya telah menganiaya anaknya sendiri, manaakala giliran abangnya pula disyaki mempunyai penganiayaan seks terhadap anak perempuannya. Sama ada kanak-kanak yang dianiaya merupakan faktor penyebab pada perkembangan pedofulia semasa dewasa atau sama ada di sana terdapat faktor genetik seperti keluarga masih memerlukan penelitian.

Daniel Gjdusek (1923-2008), tokoh berbakat luar biasa yang mengkaji fizik, biologi, matematik dan perubatan di Amerika Syarikat menganggap bahawa kanak-kanak yang dianiaya kemungkinan penyebab pedofilia. Dia sendiri dianiaya oleh pakciknya ketika kanak-kanak. Dahulu saya pernah begitu ragu-ragu mempengerusikan syarahan oleh Gajdusek yang hipomania. Rakan kolej saya geli hati terhadap keinginan saya untuk menyekatnya.

Gajdusek telah mengkaji sebab kematian besar-besaran wanita muda dan kanak-kanak disebabkan penyakit kuru di kampung di pedalaman New Guinea pada 1957. Pada waktu itu, kampung itu dalam jajahan Belanda dan dia dapat menemukan jalannya ke sana dengan menggunakan kelengkapan tinjauan peta Belanda yang dia curi dari jabatan endorik Lein yang dipengerusi oleh Dries Querido.

Gadjusek menemukan bahawa kematian itu berpunca daripada kanibalisme yang tidak langsung. Selepas lama otak mereka dimakan yang ditawan musuh, mangsa ditimpa virus yang bergerak perlahan. Salah satu daripadanya ialah demensia. Penyakit itu ternyata disebabkan prion (agen yang berjangkit diperbuat daripada protein) yang sama penyakit lembu gila. Pada 1996, Gajdusek diangerahkan Hadian Nobel dalam perubatan.

Walau bagaimana pun, apabila dia pulang dari New Guinea dan lokasi terpencil yang lain, dia bukan sahaja mengkaji lebih mendalam pada tisu otak, dia juga membawa balik 56 kanak-kanak yang kebanyakan budak lelaki. Dia membawa mereka ke rumahnya dan memberikan mereka pendidikan. Namun, dia juga mencabul mereka sepertimana pendedahan tuduhan yang dibuat oleh seseorang yang tinggal bersama dengannya sebagai kanak-kanak. Dia dipenjara selama setahun dan meninggal pada 2008.

Terdapat juga segala faktor pada perkembangan awal yang mampu mempengaruhi risiko mengembangkan pedofilia. Sangat logik untuk mengkajinya, tetapi tabu pada keadaan ini menghalanginya. Siapa dalam masyarakat kita sanggup mengaku secara terbuka untuk menjadi pedofilia dan menyertai kajian bagi punca kerancuan ini?

Pada tahun baru-baru ini, perbezaan struktur yang pertama telah dikaji antara otak pedofilia dan mereka yang pada kelompok kawalan. Kajian yang melibatkan pengimejan resonan magnet menunjukkan orang itu ada sedikit gray matter (neuron) pada pelbagai kawasan otak seperti hipotalamus, dasar nukleus terminalis stria (yang saiznya juga berbeza dengan transeksual) dan amigdala yang memainkan peranan untuk perlakuan seks, ketakutan dan agresif. Tambahan pula kajian menunjukkan semakin kecil amigdala, semakin tinggi kemungkinan seseorang itu melakukan jenayah pedofilia. Pendedahan kepada gambar orang dewasa erotik dan beremosi menyebabkan sedikit aktiviti di hipotalamus dan koreks prefrontal pada orang pedofilia berbanding orang biasa. Ini menunjukkan bahawa orang pedofilia mempunyai minat seksual yang kurang pada orang dewasa.

Golongan pedofilia mempamerkan lebih banyak aktiviti amigdala berbanding kelompok kawalan dalam memberi respons imej kanak-kanak. Tambahan pula, imbasan fungsian pada otak orang homoseksual, heteroseksual dan pedofilia yang ditunjukkan gambar lelaki dewasa, wanita dewasa, budak wanita dan budak lelaki menunjukkan perbezaan yang nyata di antara kelompok dikelaskan mengikut aktiviti otak. Walau bagaimanapun, kita perlu ingat bahawa kajian pedofulia hanya fokus pada yang kecil dan kelompok pedofilia yang dipilih.Majoriti mampu untuk mengawal desakan mereka, tetapi tidak melakukan jenayah. Hal itu menyebabkan mereka tidak dikaji.

Kerosakan penganiayaan seksual kanak-kanak yang dihukum bukan sahaja kerana reaksi penebus, tetapi juga sebagai pencegahan penganiayaan yang selanjutnya. Bangkangan yang akhir-akhir ini mengutarakan sebuah masalah, iaitu bagaimana anda mengubah kelakuan yang telah diprogramkan di otak pada peringkat awal perkembangan? Pada masa yang lalu, setiap percubaan telah pun dilakukan bagi mengubah orang homoseksual kepada heteroseksual, namun tidak berhasil apa-apa. Perkara yang sama terjadi pada pedofilia. Tidak lama dahulu, mahkamah di Utrecht mendengar kes menteri gereja heteroseksual yang berusia 60 tahun yang dihukum kerana seks pedofilia. Orang itu dijatuhkan hukuman sepuluh bulan di penjara, tetapi selepas melalui perimbangan yang banyak, dia berkemungkinan dihukumi untuk khidmat masyarakat. Betapa hebat perubahan yang berlaku.

Ada suatu ketika berlakunya ketegangan yang bercampur aduk kesamarannya bagi berhadapan dengan eugenik, hukuman, perlindungan masyarakat dan tekanan terhadap homoseksual sehingga membawa kepada pengembirian pedoseksual di Netherland. Sekitar 1938 dan 1968, sekurang-kurangnya empat ratus pesalah laku seks “merelakan diri” untuk dikembiri. Praktik ini tidak ditetapkan oleh undang-undang. Pesalah laku seks ini ditahan bawah perintah hospital yang diberi pilihan sama ada penjara seumur atau pengembirian. Mereka telah menghantar surat rasmi kepada kementerian kehakiman yang dalam teks itu menyebut, “Bolehkah saya meminta dengan rendah diri kepada Tuan Yang Terutama bagi membenarkan diri tuan dikembiri?”. Selepas 1950, 80 peratus orang yang dikembiri ialah pedofilia. Dalam masa yang sama berlaku situasi rumit dalam penentuan cukup umur untuk seksual di sisi undang-undang. Di Jerman, hipotalamus pedofilia dilukakan secara pembedahan dengan harapan agar ini mampu mengubah orientasi seksual mereka. Kaedah ini tidak pernah didokumenkan secara saintifik.

Insiden pengembirian secara kimia terhadap pesalah laku yang ditahan bawah arahan hospital sedang bertambah sekarang ini. Ini melibatkan penyekatan libido dengan bahan-bahan kimia yang mengurangkan kesan testosteron. Ini mampu melegakan ketagihan seksual ketika dibebaskan. Walau bagaimanapun, perkara ini membimbangkan sebahagian individu ini dikembiri secara kimia. Pihak berkuasa cuma akan berlepas diri atas kesan perbuatan mereka. Bahan-bahan kimia ini tidak sesuai untuk setiap pesalah laku seks dan kesan sampingan baginya termasuklah perkembangan buah dada, obesiti dan osteoporosis yang merupakan sesuatu yang bahaya.

Menteri pedofilia dari Utrecht boleh memanjatkan kesyukuran kepada nasib tuahnya kerana perkara itu berubah sejak hari permintaan pengembirian yang formal. Hakim yang mempengerusi siasatan kesnya begitu bimbang terhadap perlakuan semula dan itulah yang sebetulnya. Namun, dia fikir bahawa enam bulan tahanan prapembicaraan mampu memberi kesan hukuman dan gabungan antara hukuman bersyarat yang lama dan komuniti order lebih efektif berbanding pemenjaraan yang lama. Sama ada dia benar, kita masih tidak tahu kerana sistem kehakiman tidak ada tradisi untuk mengkaji kefektifan hukumannya. Begitu juga dunia perubatan. Alahai! Itu pun tiada tradisi bagi mengkaji faktor perkembangan awal yang menyebabkan pedofilia. Menyahkan tabu daripada kajian itu mampu memberi pencerahan kepada faktor ini dan merupakan kaedah terbaik bagi memeriksa impuls pedofil serta menghentikan orang lain daripada. Ini mampu menghilangkan kesengsaraan besar yang sangat dibimbangi.

Perkara yang sama teraplikasi pada wanita pedofilia. Tanggapan tentang wanita tidak disabitkan melakukan kesalahan bagi seksual pedofilnya cumalah mitos sahaja. Penganiayaan seksual kanak-kanak oleh wanita selalunya dilakukan oleh ibunya sendiri. Pada kebanyakan bahagian, mangsa ialah wanita dan purata umur kira-kira enam tahun. Ibu itu disebabkan kemiskinan, tidak berpendidikan dan selalu mempunyai masalah kesihatan mental seperti kerosakan kognitif, psiko dan ketagihan.

Inisiatif di Kanada telah menunjukkan bahawa inisiatif itu mampu mengatasi isu ini dengan cara yang begitu mudah. Di sana, pedofilia dibantu oleh kumpulan sukarela selepas penahanannya.  Hasil rangkaian sosial ini telah mencegah perlakuan semula dengan kadar yang berpatutan. Ini lebih baik daripada situasi di Netherland. Pada akhir 2009, seorang pedofilia mula-mula dilarang dari memasui ke bandar Eindhoven oleh datuk bandar, kemudian dihalang dari memasuki taman negara di wilayah Utrecht. Sekarang orang itu tinggal di keretanya dan merantau dari lot letak kereta ke lot letak kereta. Itu sememangnya mencari masalah. Namun, Netherland sedang mencuba inisiatif Kanada.

Cara lain untuk mencegah penganiayaan kanak-kanak mungkin menghasilkan rekaan pintar pornografi kanak-kanak tiruan yang tidak melibatkan penganiayaan kanak-kanak sebenar. Milton Diamond, terkenal dengan ahli seksologi di Hawaii telah mendapati bukti yang banyak untuk mencadangkan bahawa cara ini berkesan. Meskipun begitu, ini tidak diragui lagi betapa sukarnya untuk meyakinkan pihak berkuasa untuk pertimbangkan idea pembaharuan iu itu.

Nukilan dan terjemahan daripada We Are Our Brains, Dick Swaab, m/s 72-77, terbitan Penguin Group, 2014.

Teks asal :

The shocking scale of child abuse within the Catholic Church has come to light in recent years. The first cases emerged in the United States, then in the Ireland, where, within the bishopric of Dublin alone, hundreds of children were abused between 1976 and 20014. Cases in Germany were subsequently exposed, after which hundred of victims came foward in the Netherlands. These revelations show that, as a result of the taboo surrounding pedophilia, we have no idea how frequently such abuse actually occurs–not just in the church but in general.

Pedophilia can have different causes. If an adult suddenly experiences pedophilic urges, they may have a brain tumor in the prefrontal cortex, temporal cortex or hypothalamus. Sometimes it is a symptom of dementia. A sudden switch in sexual inclination to pedophilia has also been caused by operations to cure epilepsy by removing part of the anterior temporal lobe. Such patients can go on to develop Kluver-Bucy syndrome, which involves the loss of sexual inhibition. In the United States, a man who started to download child pornography after an operation of this kind was recently sentenced to ninteen months of imprisonment! Pedophilia can also be caused by infection of the brain, Parkinson’s, multiple sclerosis and brain trauma.

But a neurological cause for pedophilia is rare. Most pedophiles have always been attracted to children, and the cause can be traced to fetal brain development and early development after birth. Just as gender identity and sexual orientation are determined by genetic background and the interaction between a fetus’s sex hormones and its developing brain, so too pedophilia can apparently be explained by genetic and other factors causing the brain to develop abnormally at an early stage, leading to structural differences. I was once shown a family tree that included three generations of pedophile men. Deviant sexual behavior (like pedophilia) is displayed by a high percentage (18 percent) of first-degree relatives of pedophiles, pointing to genetic factor. In addition, pedophiles are more likely to have been sexually abused by adults as young children. At the end of 2009, the leader of the Northern Irish party Sinn Fein, Gerry Adams, went public with the painful family secret that his father had abused his own children, while his brother was in turn suspected of having sexually abused his daughter. Whether abuse as a children causal factor in the development of pedophilia in adulthood or whether there’s a genetic factor in such families, still needs to be investigated.

Daniel Gajdusek (1923-2008), a man of remarkable talent who studied physics, biology, mathematics and medicine in the United States, thought that abuse as a child could cause pedophilia. He had himself been abused by an uncle as a child. I once had the dubious honor of chairing a lecture by the hypomanic Gajdusek; my colleagues were amused by my vain attempts to keep him in check. Gajdusek had been researching the cause of mass deaths of young women and children from the disease kuru in the villages in the interior of New Guinea in 1957. At the time, it was still a Dutch colony, and he was able to find his way there by using Dutch ordnance survey maps that he’d stolen from the Leiden endocrinology department headed by Dries Querido. Gajdusek discovered that the deaths were indirectly caused by cannibalism. Long after they had eaten the brain of conquered enemies, the victims were struck down by a slow-acting virus, one of whose symptoms was dementia. The disease turned out to be caused by prions (infectious agents mad of protein) just like mad cow disease. In 1996 Gajdusek was awarded the Novel Prize for Medicine. However, when he returned from New Guinea and other remote locations it wasn’t just with brain tissue for further research; he also brought back fifty-six children, mostly little boys. We always thought that this was very odd. He took them into his home and gave them an education, but as an accusation made by a man who had lived with him as a child later revealed, also molested them. He was imprisoned for a year and died in 2009.

There are all kinds of factors in early development that could influence the risk of developing pedophilia. It would seem logical to study them, but the taboo on this condition stands in the way. Who in our society would dare openly admit to being pedophile and take part in research into the causes of this disorder?

In recent years, the first structural differences have been reported between the brains of pedophiles and those of remote control groups. A study involving magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) showed that the former have less gray matter (neurons) in the various area of the brain, like the hypothalamus, the bend nucleus of the stria terminalis (whose size also differs in the transsexuals), and the amygdala, which play a role in sex, fear and aggressive behavior. It moreover emerged that the smaller the amygdala, the more like an individual was to commit pedophilic crimes. Exposure to emotional and erotic images of adult sparks less activity in the hypothalamus and prefrontal cortex of pedophile men than in control men, which ties in with the fact that pedophiles are less sexually interested in adults. Convicted pedophiles display greater amygdala activity than control men in response to image of children. Functional scans of the brain of homosexual, heterosexual and pedophile men shown pictures of men, women, girls and boys moreover show a clear difference between these group in terms of brain activity. However, we must bear in mind that research into pedophilia focuses solely on a small, selected group of pedophiles. The majority are able to control their urges, don’t commit crimes, and therefore aren’t studied.

Sexual abuse damages children and is punished, not only for reasons of atonement but also to prevent further abuse. The latter objective poses a problem, though because how do you change behavior that has been programmed in the brain at an early stage of development? In the past, every conceivable effort has been made to change homosexual men into heterosexuals, without any success whatsoever. The same applies to pedophiles. Not so long ago, a court in Utrecht heard the case of sixty-year-old heterosexual church minister charged with pedosexuality. The prosecution called for a sentence of ten months in prison, but after a great deal deliberation he was eventually given a community sentence. How things have changed.

There was a time when an obscure mix of arguments bearing on eugenics, punishment, the protection of society, and the repression of homosexuality led to the castration of pedosexuals in Netherlands. Between 1938 to 1968, at least four hundred sex offenders were “voluntarily” castrated. This practice wasn’t laid down by law. These were offenders detained under a hospital order who were given the choice of his life imprisonment or castration. They had to submit a standard letter to minister of justice, the text of which ran, “May i humbly crave Your Excellency’s permission to be castrated?”. Up to 1950, 80 percent of the castrated men were pedosexual, a situation complicated by the high legal age of sexual consent (sixteen). In Germany, the hypothalami of pedophiles were surgically lesioned in the hope that this would change their sexual orientation. These brain operations were never scientifically documented.

The incidence of chemical castrations among offenders detained under a hospital order is currently increasing. This involves suppressing the libido with a substance that diminishes the effect of testosterone. It can provide relief at being freed from sexual obsession. However, it’s worrying that some of the individuals are being chemically castrated because the authorities would otherwise deny that applications for leave. These substance certainly aren’t suitable for every sex offender, and the side effects, including the development of breasts, obesity and osteoporosis are serious.

The pedosexual minister from Utrecht can thank his lucky stars that things have changed since the days of formal castration requests. The judge who presided over his case was worried about reoffending, and rightly so. Nevertheless, he thought that the six-week pretiral detention would have a deterrent effect and that the combination of a long conditional sentence and a community order would be more effective than lenghty imprisonment. Whether he was right we’ll never know, because the judicial system has no tradition of researching the effectiveness of its punishments. And the medical world, alas, has no tradition of researching the factors in early development that cause pedophilia. Doing away with the taboo on such research could shed light on these factors and on the best methods of checking pedophile impulses and stopping people from reoffending. This would prevent a great deal of misery for all concerned.

The same applies to female pedophiles. The idea that women can’t be guilty of pedosexuality has been found to be a myth. Sexual abuse of children by women is usually perpetrated by mothers on their own offspring. For the most part, the victims are girls with and average age of around six. The mothers tend to be poor and uneducated and often have mental health problem like cognitive impairment, psychoses, or addictions.

An initiative in Canada has shown that it’s possible to tackle this issue by quite simple means. There, pedosexuals are helped by group of volunteers after their detention. The resulting social network has been shown to cut reoffending rates quite considerably. This is much better than the situation in the Netherlands, where in late 2009, a pedophile was first banned from the city of Eindhoven by its mayor, then prohibited from entering a national park in the province of Utrecht. The man now lives in his car and travels from parking lot to parking lot. That’s asking for trouble. But the Netherlands is trying out the Canadian initiative. Another way of preventing child abuse might to be issue smart form of fake child pornography that don’t involve the abuse of real children. Milton Diamond, a renowned sexologist in Hawaii, has found considerable evidence to suggest that his works. However, it will no doubt prove difficult to convince the authorities to consider such an innovative idea.

Psychology · Sociology

Mengapa Seks Itu Seronok?

Salah satu persoalan utama dalam kehidupan ialah: Mengapa seks begitu seronok? Menurut kajian semakan semula yang baharu, hal itu kerana seks seumpama tarian, yoga dan keseronokan jenis lain yang melibatkan tubuh badan yang merupakan sebuah irama dan irama itu mempunyai cara untuk menyatukan dan meningkatkan perasaan itu.

Kajian itu ditulis oleh Adam Safron, pengkaji Northwesten University dan diteribtkan di Socioaffective Neuroscience and Psychology. Kajian itu menyatakan persetubuhan mampu menjadi seumpama pengalaman yang ajaib kerana “hiburan”. Ini ungkapan yang terbaik untuk mengatakan bahawa otak, organ deria dan sistem badan anda kesemuanya mengalir ke haluan seksi yang sama. Sesuatu yang terjadi ketika saat-saat untuk orgasma, dia berhujah, sesuatu yang sama terjadi ketika pengalaman yang paling menggembirakan (bayangkan rentak irama kegemaran anda pada lagu disko baharu). Perspesi irama dan gerak geri yang mendorong anda untuk lebih fokus kepada stimuli yang membuatkan anda lebih terangsang. Itu menjadikan anda lebih seronok dan lebih fokus yang membawa kepada peningkatan lanjut pada iring arus, sekaligus mencipta suap balik positif dalam memperhebat serapan seksual.

Keterangan itu tidak cukup untuk menyatakan hal ini menambahkan keghairahan dan keseronokan. Cara yang lebih baik untuk memahami sebab seseorang hilang kesedarannya seperti biasa semasa melakukan seks dalam keadaan asyik, sama seperti anda merasa kesedaran serapan terutamanya pada tarian yang penuh dengan keseronokan, sesi yoga yang penuh tumpuan, tafakkur yang sangat mendalam atau larian yang sangat memuaskan. “Fokus yang hebat dalam rasa yang segera sebagaimana kesemua itu adalah dihasilkan oleh stimulasi irama yang kemungkinan mengurangkan kuasa keupayaan mental berinteraksi untuk sesuatu yang lain”, tulis Safron. Hal itu seperti swanaratif yang suka merenung, tertanya-tanya tentang perkara yang akan berlaku atau secara umumnya fikiran anda berada di tempat lain berbanding kedudukan yang anda berada masa itu. “Pengalaman deria itu memfokuskan dan mengubah swapemprosesan kemungkinan lebih sesuai dengan merujuk kepada suatu jenis keadaan asyik”, tulisnya. “Jika keasyikan ini berlaku dalam konteks individu lain yang sama-sama terserap, maka itu mampu berpotensi menyumbangkan perasaan perhubungan bersama dengan pengemabangan swabatasan yang lain”.

Dalam emel susulan, Safron mengatakan bahawa penemuan yang paling mengejutkan dalam kajian ini ialah betapa banyak seks menyerupai aktiviti yang hebat seperti tarian dan muzik. “Keasyikan seksual kemungkinan sama dengan tafakkur dan yoga dalam memfokuskan rasa irama pada nafas di badan dan kadangkala pada gerakan badan yang biasa”, katanya. “Aliran vinyasa mempunyai tempo dan nada tertentu padanya. Sudah tentu irama irama merupakan segala-galanya dalam tarian”. Keasyikan itu juga mempunyai aspek evolusi, dia berhujah; Lingkaran suap balik positif pada serapan iring arus merupakan cara semula jadi memberitahu anda untuk meneruskan melakukan seks dengan seseorang memandangkan seseorang yang dapat mendorong untuk anda kepada aspek seks yang hebat. Hal ini berkemungkinan mereka lebih memberi perhatian penuh dalam perhubungan lebih luas dan juga dengan membesarkan anak-anak. Sepertimana pengkaji seks berkata kepada Science of Us, iaitu yang terbaik (dan satu-satunya) cara untuk memperoleh yang lebih baik dalam seks ialah mempelajari sesuatu yang pasangan anda sukai dan tumpu padanya.

Sekarang, iring arus irama ialah model, salah satu cara bagi memahami keberkesanan seks (atau ketidakberkesanan). Model itu memerlukan kajian empirik sebelum dapat disemadikan sebagai kebenaran mutlak. Namun, pada pertimbangan yang waras, hal itu semestinya kelihatan pragmatik. Bagi Safran, model itu mencadangkan bahawa anda akan melakukan terbaik memberi tumpuan lebih dalam merasai irama ketika seks dan kualiti irama yang anda berikan pada pasangan anda memandangkan anda melakukan perkara yang sama dari semasa ke semasa sehingga anda tua.

“Model pengalaman seks itu sebagai keadaan keasyikan mencadangkan seseorang perlu merasai selesa untuk melakukannya supaya seronok melakukan seks”, tulisnya. “Ini konsisten dengan kebanyakan daripada perkara yang ahli terapi seks beritahu kepada klien. Meskpun saya fikir saya mencadangkan sesuatu yang lebih sedikit radikal di sini, saya menyatakan bahawa ahli sainsneuro menyokong hal yang berkaitan dengan pengalaman seksual kita sebagai perubahaan keadaan kesedaran. Saya fikir memandang keseksualan dengan cara ini mampu menolong seseorang mengelak melakukan seks (dan terhadap sesama sendiri) tanpa munasabah dan itu sebenarnya mampu membantu seseorang untuk masuk kepada keadaan keasyikan yang mereka mahu”.

Terjemahan daripada : http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2016/11/why-sex-is-so-good.html

Sebuah penemuan menunjukkan melakukan seks seminggu sekali membuatkan seseorang lebih gembira berbanding sebulan sekali. Hal itu menyamai dengan menjana pendapatan tambahan $50,000 setiap tahun. Christian Jarret menegaskan di BPS Research Digest. Soalan itu berkaitan tentang sebab seks menghasilkan kesan itu yang bukan sahaja kenikmatan waktu itu juga, tetapi rasa keselesaan yang lebih hebat  Daripada situlah kajian baharu diterbitkan di Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin yang tampaknya kesemuanya berkaitan dengan pelukan. “Seks bukan sahaja bermanfaat pada kerana kesan psikologinya dan hedonik”, tulis penulis kedoktoran Anik Debrot dan rakannya dari University of Toronto, “tetapi sebab menggalakkan perhubungan lebih kuat dan lebih positif dengan pasangan”. (Rujuk : http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2017/02/why-sex-makes-people-happy.html).

Experience · Guide · Perspective · Psychology

10 Complaints Sex Therapists Hear All The Time

What do couples talk about when they sit down with sex therapists?

We asked seven sex therapists and psychologists from around the country to share the problems people in relationships bring up most frequently in their offices. See what they had to say below.

“Women who come into my office often tell me they wish they could climax the ‘real’ way — through intercourse. The clitoris, however, not the vagina is the center of her sexual and pleasure nerve endings. In fact, only about 15-20 percent of all women can climax during sexual intercourse and even then she needs lots of vibration, manual or oral stimulation to get her close. For those who still want to try likely positions, I recommend two with good G-spot-penile contact: Either woman-on-top at a 45 degree angle, or woman-lying-on-her-back on a relatively firm surface with her hips rocked up (for instance, with her knees hooked around his elbows).” — Laurie Watson, LMFT, certified sex therapist 

“The most commonly reported problem I hear about is what sex therapists call ‘desire discrepancy’: One partner wants sex more often than the other and in a more erotic way. In the beginning of a relationship, the higher desire partner probably kept the erotic energy going in the marriage and it was fun and sexy. After a while, if you’re the lower sex-drive partner, it can feel annoying and even manipulative to have a partner who is constantly looking for sex when you aren’t into it.  Sometimes it’s just because the sex isn’t that great; working on discovering the kind of sex both partners want can improve the performance and eroticism of their sex life. Or it could be that there’s tension and frustration in the relationship and it’s leaking over into the erotic part of the relationship. If that’s the case, it’s a hard climb over that kind of resentment in bed. But talking about what’s bothering you can actually bring you closer and make you more inclined to want to make love.”  — Tammy Nelson, certified sexologist and sex therapist and the authorofGetting the Sex You Want

“When a man is in a relationship, the most common performance problems are premature ejaculation (PE) and erectile dysfunction (ED). In both instances,​ ​the men end up with ​strong​ performance anxiety which can cause them to avoid sex and intimacy. Women whose partners are dealing with ED may feel insecure that their partners are no longer attracted to or desirous of them.  To move beyond performance anxiety, men need to focus on their own bodies and pleasure and worry a little less about their partners. Learning to focus on pleasure, relaxing your body and your breath and letting yourself enjoy the experience help tremendously. If you’re his partner, it’s essential not to take it personally and to be gentle with him. Supportive partners who do not require that their partners function perfectly all the time have the best chance of resolving these issues. “ —​ ​Danielle Harel, Ph.D and Celeste Hirschman M.A

 

“People frequently tell me they want more variety in the bedroom. As time goes on, partners may express more desire for novelty or feel more comfortable letting their partner know they have certain activities they want to explore. While one partner might enjoy getting a few slaps on the behind or experimenting with anal play, the other may not want to try. It’s a sex therapist’s responsibility to assess for openness to change and underlying tensions that the couple may not be discussing initially.” — Sari Eckler Cooper, LCSW

“Couples seek sex therapy soon after having babies, sometimes because the woman feels too loose and says she can’t feel him inside her. I usually ask the woman if she has ever done Kegel exercises and I recommend she do twenty reps three times a day. If she wants quicker results, there are medical devices such as the Apex which inflates to fit and does your Kegel exercises for you through gentle electric stimulation. I also remind them that there is more to satisfying sex than just intercourse, such as mutual masturbation, oral sex and incorporating sex toys into their sexual pleasure.” — Ava Cadell, certified sex therapist 

“I frequently see couples where the man is confused about why he doesn’t want to have sex and the woman is the frustrated one. Without a clear answer, I end up asking a ton of questions trying to decipher why. If it’s because he feels too dependent or too close to his partner, distancing is the goal.  Most commonly, men complain to me about not getting the loving contact they want. He may feel she goes through the motions, treats sex like a chore, or just lies there when he wants more love, contact, emotion and presence. Women sometimes make the mistake of thinking their partners are just trying to satisfy a biological need and treat sex in a perfunctory manner, to ‘please’ the guy. But this shuts men down; they want more passion than that. I remind couples that passion requires engagement, expression, eye contact and trying to really feel. It’s more than touch.” — Brandy Engler, Ph.D and author of The Women on My Couch 

“Many women tell us that they either have never felt much desire or their desire has dropped considerably over the course of their life or relationship. There can be many underlying reasons why women are experiencing low desire. They might have had a lot of negative learning in their lives telling them that they were not supposed to want sex, they might not have been able to express their main fantasies or changing sexual desires to their partner or they might be feeling emotionally disconnected. This problem can often lead to sexless marriages or relationships. In the case of low desire, women need to get back in touch with their bodies and learn to ask for what they want. It can take time to address and requires patience, understanding and a willingness to learn on the part of their partner.” —​ ​Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman 

“I get a large number of men who call me from all over the country who tell me they struggle to ‘feel’ — meaning, they don’t love deeply or have sex with passion and they want that to change. I think its notable that most of these guys are in their late 20s or 30s. They’re past the stage of hooking up and they want to love their partner. I think they’re trying to integrate sex and love after years of separating the two. Men aren’t usually socialized to be emotionally expressive, unfortunately, but when a woman can be instrumental in opening that up in him, it’s truly powerful.” — Brandy Engler

“Couples often need help when one of them gets sick. For instance, a cancer patient might feel too broken or undesirable for sex, while their partner feels helpless. I encourage them to do different kinds of touching such as cuddling, massaging with feather light strokes, kissing and even just holding hands regularly. Bathing together can also be a healing experience that helps reduce strain on joints, relax muscles and increase blood flow. For something more sexual, if the person is sick feels self-conscious or insecure, I recommend he or she blindfold their partner and make love to them so they feel less self-conscious.” — Ava Cadell 

“Oftentimes a low sex or no sex marriage happens when a couple finds themselves in a rut of distraction or avoidance. They are distracted by work, by young kids or the business of everyday life. Whoever was the traditional initiator of sex stops initiating. The non-initiating partner waits, hoping things will get back to ‘normal.’  To get out of a low sex or no sex rut, talk to your partner. Throw out some ideas that you are wondering’ about — for instance, ‘I am wondering if we are both so tired at night that we should try for morning sex?’ Keeping your statements vague and phrasing them as ‘wonderings’ takes the pressure off and makes whatever sexual issue you’re avoiding easier to talk about. The truth is, it’s not your fault or theirs. Your sex life belongs to both of you.” — Tammy Nelson

Originhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-10-most-common-complaints-sex-therapists-hear-from-couples_us_56203b85e4b06462a13b8494?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

Biology & Chemistry · Psychology

The Science Of Dirty Talk And Why It Increases Sexual Pleasure

Harder. Keep going, don’t stop.

Yeah, you like that, baby?

As forced as it sounds when you read it, many of us love hearing dirty talk in the bedroom. We lose ourselves in the heat of passion and take on a persona that turns us on in the most naughty, unconventional ways. But there’s more to it than that. What is it about erotic communication that increases our sexual arousal? When we look past the kinkiness, we may find there’s more to dirty talk than our desire to bring out our wild side.

1. Sex On The Brain

It begins in the mind.

The brain is considered a more powerful sexual organ than even male and female genitalia because it’s where sex drive stems from. The right amount of dirty talk will excite the mind. However, there is a difference in how each gender’s limbic system works in the brain.

Two areas in the hypothalamus, the preoptic area and the superchiasmatic nucleus, have distinct functions in female and male brains, according to a study published in the journal Hormone Research. The preoptic area, involved in mating behavior, is over two times larger in men than women and contains two times more cells. Meanwhile, the superchiasmatic nucleus, involved with circadian rhythms and reproduction cycles differs in shape: Males have a nucleus that is shaped like a sphere, while women have more of an elongated one.

A larger hypothalamus for men means more circulating testosterone to stimulate the desire for sex. A lower testosterone level and a smaller hypothalamus in women, on the other hand, means their sex drive is not as strong as a man’s. These biological differences are just the many ways men and women’s brain function differs when it comes to sex.

Daryl Cioffi, specializing in couples, relationships, sex, neuropsychology, and owner of Polaris Counseling & Consulting in Patucket, R.I., says dirty talk is a whole mind and body experience.

“People very much enjoy dirty talking because it activates all regions of your brain while your body is also getting stimulated,” Cioffi told Medical Daily. “Similar areas of the brain are touched upon during dirty talk as when we curse. So, very often as your brain sees it, the dirtier the better.”

For example, many powerful women in their everyday lives and jobs enjoy being more submissive in the bed, says Cioffi, because it stimulates the amygdala. This brain region is our fear center that is heavily involved in excitement and pleasure during sex. The whispers, moans, and screams accompanied by dirty talk are all processed by the brain’s hearing center, including the temporal lobe, the frontal lobe, and the occipital lobe.

After all, the mind is an erogenous zone. The brain and how it organizes the rest of our erogenous zones is further proof of the crucial role of the brain in determining both sex drive and sexual pleasure.

Asking what our partners need from us and what we need from them opens up the lines of communication to show we’re open to changing things up in the bedroom. Verbalizing the sexual roles we want and hearing what our partners want to do to us is essential in sexual arousal.

According to Dr. Ava Cadell, professional speaker, writer, and sex therapist in Los Angeles, Calif., couples engage in dirty talk to “heighten their arousal and share fantasies that they may not want to turn into reality, but talking about them can be even better.”

2. Communicating Sexual Fantasies In The Bedroom

Committing sexual acts and talking dirty involve two completely different mindsets. Dirty talk is something we do by ourselves, as opposed to physical sex acts. This erotic dialogue, therefore, serves to unleash the interest in new sexual acts that might not usually be of interest.

“Individuals can become comfortable and familiar with using phrases and language and descriptions that express their needs and wants,” Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills psychotherapist, author of The Self-Aware Parent, and expert panelist on WE TV’s Sex Box told Medical Daily. “Practice expressing your needs and wants and encourage your partner to do the same and be ready to deliver the goods.”

A 2012 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found the more comfortable we are talking about sex, the more satisfactory our sex lives will become. According to the researchers, even the slightest anxiety about communication affected whether partners were communicating or not. It also directly affected their satisfaction. Those who did communicate during sex were more likely to experience sexual satisfaction. In other words, engaging in a dialogue that feels good with our partner can heighten the sexual experience.

April Masini, relationship expert and author, told Medical Daily: “Talking dirty can enhance sex because it’s another layer of sexual behavior beyond physical sexual acts.”

Dirty talk can also arouse partners to the point of orgasm. Some women and men can actually get so turned on by dirty talk that they will get wet or hard and orgasm, even without genital stimulation. Masini says, the power of dirty talk can allow someone to get “out of their own head” and into the mood.

3. Dirty Talk And The ‘Good Girl’ Complex

The “good girl” complex, similar to the Madonna-Whore complex, is just one facet of what men want. Sex always seems to be the line that the “good girl” crosses where they just have to screw someone in order to be considered a “bad girl.” Pop culture has perpetuated this complex from songs like Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” where he “knows” she wants it because she’s an animal and it’s in her nature, to Usher’s “Yeah!” where Ludacris acknowledges “we” (the men) want a lady in the street and freak in the bed.

Dirty talk is a liberating experience for women to break down this mindset and become comfortable in their sexuality and desires. It’s where people invite their fantasies and where that straight-laced version of a person will enjoy being tied up, being called certain kinds of names, and using dirty words for genital parts when otherwise they wouldn’t think of such behavior, says Walfish.

It lowers inhibitions and reveals bedroom personalities by allowing partners to go a layer deeper within our everyday selves.

For example, some women may get turned on by words like “slut” or “whore,” even though they find it offensive outside the bedroom. Women are able to take control of the word and use it on their own terms. This linguistic exchange can reveal the darker fantasies of the mind and be played out in the privacy of the bedroom.

A woman who calls up her partner at work to say to him “when you come home sweetheart, I’m going to let you tie me to the bedpost, handcuff me, and arrest me,” says Walfish, is vocalizing her fantasy outside the bedroom.

“One possibility is maybe she has a dependent personality and maybe she likes the idea of submitting to a dominant, powerful force,” she said. “Or maybe she fantasizes about being the dominant one and is afraid to put that on to her guy to do it first, so she tests the waters.”

Basically, when we assume a persona via dirty talk or  role playing, we have an easier time being sexual.

4. Dirty Talk And Intimacy

Dirty talk gives people permission to surrender to their deepest, darkest, wildest fantasies. Sex is supposed to be dirty, erotic, and most of all fun.

Sexuality creates intimacy for a couple and becomes the glue of the relationship. Good sex is a barometer of a good relationship.

“Sex isn’t just a physical release or an expression of love and affection. It’s a way to work things out and process traumas, big and small,” Masini said.

Dirty talk isn’t for perverts, it’s about enhancing your sexual experience and vocalizing your sexual wants. More men want women to do it, according to Cadell, and that’s why women do it, to please their men. “Women are more auditory and men are more visual,” she said.

For dirty talk to be successful, it has to be tit for tat. Both people should do it so there’s no sort of animosity or resentment or power struggle.

It’s all about fill in the blank. “I love it when you blank me,” or “Your blank is so hot.”

After all, says Masini, “talking dirty is nothing more than sexual prelude. It’s all about the sex.”

Origin : http://www.medicaldaily.com/science-dirty-talk-and-why-it-increases-sexual-pleasure-349854

Psychology

The Psychology Behind Angry Sex: Why You Love ‘Hooking Up’ With Someone You Hate

Hair pulling. Spanking. Slapping. Even choking. The rougher, the better. Maybe you’ve been there. You can’t stand the sight of someone — possibly your ex — but there’s no denying the chemistry that lingers when you spot each other. So, what better way to deal with the conflicting emotions than to channel all of your aggression into a good screw. It might not be the wisest choice at the time, but you act on it anyway. Have you ever wondered why? What makes you succumb to raw hate sex?

1. The Science Of Instant Physical Attraction

First off, physical attraction is one of the main components of hate sex, also known as the act of having strong, forceful sex with someone you’re attracted to but strongly dislike. (Think Chapman and Vause in Orange is the New Black when they get it on in the library in Season 3.) Visual stimuli greatly influence human sexuality, but from a biological standpoint there are several chemicals that influence your state of mind when you see someone you’re physically attracted to. In fact, when the brain releases these chemicals, your altered mental state makes you behave differently than you normally would.

A 2012 study published in The Journal of Neuroscience found the medial prefrontal cortex, which mediates decision-making, gets more active when you see someone you are physically attracted to. Researchers found when scanning speed daters’ brains, those whose dorsomedial prefrontal cortex lit up were more likely to pursue a date with those they found to be attractive. Another study published in the journal Human Brain Mapping found the brain cells in four regions, including the inferior temporal cortex, right orbitofrontal cortex, left anterior cingulate cortex, and the right insula, alongside the caudate nucleus, released neurotransmitters like the “feel good” chemical dopamine, the “fight-or-flight” chemical adrenaline, and serotonin when participants were physically attracted to someone.

Now, this biological response is independent from whether the person is good or not — we can’t help what we feel. April Masini , relationship expert and author says it’s common for people to be attracted to those they know they’re incompatible with, even if it’s someone they hate.

“Having sex to express feelings — whether the feelings are hatred, sadness, frustration, joy or love — is just a way of connecting. Hate sex is also that — a way to connect over a feeling. It may be that you think it’s hate sex, but it just may be sex over frustration, disappointment, or sadness,” she told Medical Daily.

2. Childhood Years

Using sex to express feelings, however, may come from releasing repressed feelings from early on. Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills psychotherapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent, believes the behavior is deeply rooted in childhood.

For example, if a girl grew up with a narcissistic father who was either not around or preoccupied with his career or business, and really jipped her out of full measure of quality of attention, she’s going to start settling for less.

“She’s going to be very familiar with getting less than she deserves with a guy she is attracted to and she’s going to be sexually drawn to and attracted to guys who give her less than a full tablespoon of what she deserves,” Walfish told Medical Daily.

As a result, the daddy issues lead a woman to become angry with men who do not deliver full-measure attention. With time, Walfish explains, women learn to act out on that anger with misdirected sexual aggression.

However, the influence a parent of the opposite sex has on their child and future relationships is also seen in boys. Men who grew up with a mother who is cold, self-centered, or favored the other child tend to be drawn to women who also give them less than a full tablespoon, according to Walfish. In a relationship, the sexual energy revs up in the beginning, but once he gets in the relationship past four months, he starts to look beyond the sexual chemistry and begins to see what’s there and what’s not in the overall relationship.

“He becomes resentful and can often project anger on his mom onto his girlfriend,” Walfish said.

This coincides with a 2010 study published in the journal Child Development that found children, especially boys, who have insecure attachments to their mothers in the early years tend to have more behavioral problems later in childhood. These behavioral problems such as aggression or hostility were seen even years later. Requests that are discouraged rejected, or responded to inconsistently are what make children vulnerable to developing behavioral issues that tend to resurface in intimate relationships with the opposite sex.

Dr. Ben Michaelis, a clinical psychologist in New York City and author of Your Next Big Thing, believes these behavioral problems can also affect their perception of women. “As far as I can tell, hate sex fantasies exist primarily in men. Any man who would pursue this probably has a low opinion of women, or certainly the woman that he may be fantasizing about,” Michaelis told Medical Daily.

3. Hate Sex Vs. Make-Up Sex: What’s The Difference?

So, what about women with the same fantasies? Girl-on-girl action, to be specific. This brings us back to Chapman and Vause in OITNB. Two inmates played by Taylor Schilling and Laura Prepon, who share a hate/love relationship as it is, ferociously get it on in the library. It involves slapping, pushing, and rough-handling, but the roughness itself gets them going. The scene clearly demonstrates hate sex, although some viewers might argue, in a way, it was also make-up sex. But what’s the difference, anyway?

“Whatever energy you use — the expression is just as important as the direction or the format the energy takes,” Masini said.

Hate sex and make-up sex are similar in the sense they are both fueled by intense emotions. According to Dr. Hillary Goldsher, a Beverly Hills clinical psychologist who specializes in relationship therapy, make-up sex (in theory) is between two people who have an emotional, intimate connection come together after feeling separated by a disagreement. “It is one of many appropriate ways to reestablish a sense of unity after an argument,” Goldsher told Medical Daily.

The intensity of make-up sex reflects the fear of losing intimacy in a relationship, but it provides the foundation to reunite and reconnect after a fight or a break-up. Couples may also be more likely to engage in make-up sex because it provides a certain high like cocaine, according to clinical psychologist Seth Meyers in blog for Psychology Today titled “Make-Up Sex Hurts: Why and How to Avoid It.”

Although make-up sex can be good as long as it follows verbal communication and discussion, it should not be in lieu of. Meyers believes couples who use make-up sex inevitably use it as a band-aid for bigger intimacy issues. This creates the illusion that sex can resolve relationship problems, but this only leads to more dissatisfaction and disappointment.

4. High On Hate

No one wants all that baggage. What’s more appealing, to some, is achieving the same high with hate sex that Meyers describes couples experience with make-up sex. Tugging on your partner’s hair and slapping them around may give you a rush far different from any vanilla sex you’ve had before.

It’s that adrenaline rush people crave and crossing boundaries they normally wouldn’t with conventional sex. In short, they feel uninhibited and alive. For some, hate sex also replaces feelings of anger and vulnerability that are difficult and painful to tolerate. People with unresolved issues associated with low self-esteem and abandonment might use hate sex to feel a short-term sense of power and feeling wanted. “The respite from the painful feelings is usually the catalyst for participating in hate sex,” Goldsher said.

Now, whether you choose to do it can be risky. People who are able to have hate sex, recognize it for what it is and are able to make logical decisions about relationships. However, Masini warns, “when people have hate sex and think it means something other than what it is, it’s not so healthy.” Engaging in hate sex or any hook up sex and thinking it means love or a committed relationship will only lead to being disappointed and depressed.

So while it may be a high or form of release, if you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into, hate sex may very well be a misguided way of dealing with your emotions.

Or it may lead to one of the best orgasms of your life.

Originhttp://www.medicaldaily.com/psychology-behind-angry-sex-why-you-love-hooking-someone-you-hate-345270?utm_source=FBPAGE&utm_medium=Social&utm_term=Health%20&%20Wellness&utm_content=496632794&utm_campaign=Medical%20Daily%20-%20MedicalDaily&linkId=25657778

Guide · Perspective · Psychology

9 Secrets Every Sex Therapist Knows (And You Should, Too)

You’ve lost that loving feeling. Or you want to try something new in the bedroom (like one of these sex positions) but just don’t know how to bring it up. Or you wish you and your partner had more sex, less sex, or better sex. Most people face one or more of these issues at some point, but figuring out how to cope isn’t always easy.

Most of these common problems boil down to one thing: poor communication. “There’s a lot of research showing that couples who have better communication have better sex lives,” says Rachel Sussman, a psychotherapist who specializes in sex and relationships. “They’re not afraid to talk about sex, and they’re not afraid to ask for what they want.”

Of course, not everyone is equally comfortable chatting about intimate matters, whether or not a therapist is in the mix. So we asked Sussman and two other sexperts to spill their best advice. Read on for insider tricks and tips and start amping up your sex life tonight. (Want to balance out your hormones and lose weight? Then check out The Hormone Reset Dietto start feeling and looking better today!)

Give it the old college try.

Not in the mood, but your partner is? Don’t be so quick to shut down any advances. Most women don’t experience spontaneous desire; they need a little help getting there, says Michael Aaron, PhD, a licensed psychotherapist, sexologist, and sex therapist. He explains that many women need to be touched, kissed, and caressed before sexual desire kicks in. So consider saying yes to sex—or at least foreplay—even if you’re not currently raring to go.

That said, you should never feel obligated to finish what you started. “You don’t know in the moment how it’s going to feel,” says sex and relationship therapist Megan Fleming, PhD, a clinical instructor of psychology in psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College. It’s never too late to say, “Sorry, not tonight.”

Do your homework.

sex homework
EVERETT COLLECTION/SHUTTERSTOCK
Sex doesn’t just “happen,” especially if you and your partner are in the midst of an especially long dry spell. About 15% of all relationships are considered sexless, meaning the partners haven’t had sex in 6 months, according to Aaron. His advice? Make intimacy a priority and sex will follow.

If you’re not currently having sex but are still being romantic—going on dates, holding hands, kissing—then it might be as simple as carving out some special time to be alone together. But if you and your partner have essentially become roommates, you’re going to have to work a little harder to bring back sensuality, says Aaron. Plan date nights, start holding hands again, and give each other a kiss good-bye every morning and the romantic (and sexy) feelings might return. (Here are 10 ways to feel like having sex again.)

Put sex on the menu.

We don’t just mean scheduling a regular romp, although multiple sex therapists say that’s a good way to keep your sex life alive. But if your goal isn’t just to have sex but to make it more interesting, Aaron suggests making up a list (menu) of everything you want to try and everything that’s completely off-limits, then asking your partner to do the same. You might learn that you’ve both been fantasizing about adding sex toys to the mix or trying anal sex. (Here is everything you need to know about anal sex.)

Get a sexy brain.

Your libido is like an engine, says Fleming. You need to find ways to turn yourself on, warm up, and get ready to go. But Fleming says she often sees clients who have no idea what gets them going or what turns them off. How to sort it out? She suggests reading erotic fiction, listening to erotic podcasts, or simply allowing yourself time to fantasize. “Think about the last really enjoyable, hot, fun, connected, juicy experience you had with your partner,” she says. “Use all five senses, take it in, and let it be something you can come back to time and time again.”

Bring in a friend.

talk about sex with friends
EVERETT COLLECTION/SHUTTERSTOCK
No, not into the bedroom (unless that’s what everyone really wants, in which case, go for it!). But talking about sex with your friends—or just one trusted friend—can help demystify it. Discussing how much sex you’re having, how much you wish you were having, or how satisfied you are with your sex life could be a little like therapy. A good friend might even be able to help you work out whatever issue is getting in the way of the sex life you crave, Sussman says. Not sure how to get the conversation going? Fleming suggests mentioning an article you’ve read in a magazine or on a website (maybe the story you’re reading right now?). Try: “I read in Prevention…” and see where it takes you.

Take care of yourself first.

take care of yourself
EVERETT COLLECTION/SHUTTERSTOCK
We’re not talking about masturbation—although getting a little frisky with yourself certainly isn’t a bad thing. It’s just as important (maybe more so) to get ample sleep, regular exercise, and generally keep stress in check (spa day?). “So many women feel depleted, and then sex starts to feel like work,” says Fleming. Try pampering yourself and you might find you’re feeling more sexy, fun, and playful. (What better way to pamer yourself than with this luxurious coconut body oil from Rodale’s? Ahh.)

Ask for compliments.

If you and your partner have been together for eons, chances are things have slowed down. Forget staying up all night to get down and dirty; you’re more apt to watch a little bit of Netflix and drift off by 10 p.m. But it’s not just sex that has gotten lost over the years. Chances are the unexpected gifts and compliments have dropped off, too. Getting back to a place where you feel loved and sexy is absolutely essential, Sussman says. “If you can say to your husband or partner, ‘Flirt with me, make me feel attractive,’ well, that’s probably just as good as taking any medication.” (Here’s how to have better sex at every decade.)

Love yourself.

What’s the No. 1 turn-on for men? If you said “boobs” or “butts,” you’d be wrong. The thing that gets most guys going isn’t a body part, says Sussman. It’s confidence. “If you feel good about how you look, if you like to make love with the lights on, that’s an aphrodisiac for everyone,” she says. Meanwhile, being uncomfortable with your body—whether you think you need to lose a few pounds or that your boobs are too droopy—can easily douse the fires in the bedroom. (We’re not going to pretend it’s easy to build up body confidence overnight, so here’s a go-to guide on how to get started.)

Be a detective.

What’s really at the root of your sex issues? Figure that out and you just might solve your problem, says Sussman. Some patients have trouble initiating sex, talking about fantasies, or admitting they’d like to have sex more often because they grew up believing women aren’t supposed to be interested in sex or because a past partner put them down. (If dryness is holding you back, give this all-natural lube from Rodale’s a go.) Other times sex problems aren’t really about sex at all, says Sussman. If you don’t trust each other or aren’t getting along outside the bedroom, you’ll need to work through that before you can expect the sensual side of your relationship to blossom.

Originhttp://www.prevention.com/sex/advice-and-secrets-from-sex-therapists?cid=soc_Men%27s%20Health%20-%20MensHealth_FBPAGE_Men%27s%20Health_Internalonly%3APVN_

Psychology

A Fine Argument for Why Sex Is So Good

One of the main questions in life is: Why is sex so good? According to a new review paper, it’s because sex — like dance, yoga, and other body-based pleasures — is rhythmic, and that rhythm has a way of uniting and heightening the senses.

Authored by Northwestern University researcher Adam Safron and published in Socioaffective Neuroscience and Psychology, the paper argues that intercourse can be such a magical experience because of “entrainment,” which is a fancy way of saying that it gets your brain, sensory, and bodily systems all rowing in the same sexy direction. What happens in the run-up to orgasm, he argues, is what goes on in most ecstatic experiences (consider how a “beat drops” in your favorite new disco anthem). Rhythmic perception and action lead you to attend more to the stimuli that’s turning you on, leading to greater enjoyment, and greater attendance, making for “further enhancing entrainment, thus creating a positive feedback cycle of deepening sexual absorption,” he writes.

It’s not enough to call this increased arousal or pleasure: A better way to understand the way people can lose their sense of selves during the act of sex is with trance, the same way that you might feel a sense of absorption on a particularly good night of dancing, a particularly strenuous yoga session, a particularly deep meditation, or a particularly satisfying run. “Intensely focusing on immediate sensations — such as those produced by rhythmic stimulation — is likely to reduce the amount of mental capacity available for other things,” Safron writes, like ruminative self-narratives, wondering about what could have been, or generally having your mind someplace other than where you currently are. “Such an experience of sensate focusing and altered self-processing may be most appropriately referred to as a kind of trance state,” he writes. “If this trance occurs in the context of another individual who is similarly absorbed, then it could potentially contribute to feelings of connectedness along with the expansion of self-other boundaries.”

In a follow-up email, Safron said that the most surprising finding from this research is how much sex is like other transcendent pursuits, like dance or music. “Sexual trance is probably similar to meditation and yoga in focusing on the rhythmic sensations of breath in body, and sometimes on the often rhythmic motions of the body,” he says. “A vinyasa flow has a certain tempo and cadence to it. And of course rhythm is everything in dance.” The trance has an evolutionary aspect too, he argues: The positive-feedback loop of absorptive entrainment is a way of nature telling you to continue having sex with someone, since someone who can attend to you in a way that’s sexually awesome likely means that they’ll be attentive in a relationship more broadly, and with raising kids, too. Like another sex researcher told Science of Us, the best (and only) way to get better at sex is to learn what your partner likes, and attend to that.

As of now, rhythmic entrainment is a model, a way of understanding what makes sex work (or not work). It needs lots of empirical investigation before it can be enshrined as an absolute truth. But in a relative sense, it sure does seem pragmatic. To Safran, the model suggests that you’d do well do focus more on the experience of rhythm during sex and the quality of rhythms you’re giving your partner — since doing the same thing over and over again is going to get old.

“The model of sexual experience as trance state suggests that people need to feel comfortable letting go in order to really enjoy sex,” he writes. “This is consistent with much of what many sex therapists tell their clients. Although I think I’m suggesting something a little more radical here. I argue that neuroscience supports relating to our sexual experiences as altered states of consciousness. I think viewing sexuality in these ways could both help people to avoid taking sex (and each other) for granted, and it may actually help them to enter the trance states they desire.”

Originhttp://nymag.com/scienceofus/2016/11/why-sex-is-so-good.html?mid=facebook_scienceofus