Experience · Health And Safety · Perspective

What Happens When You Stop Masturbating

naked-man-with-hands-covering-his-crotch

Many people first discover their sexual desires through masturbation, which is also an easy and safe way to release sexual tension during dry spells. But what happens when you decide to give up solo play for a while? Many people have been vocal about their masturbation sabbaticals and oftentimes, they cite positive results for taking a break.

The NoFap Community

People in Reddit’s NoFap community experiment with breaks from masturbation to see how it impacts them. Because masturbation is still highly stigmatized in our culture, it can be difficult to talk about, so the anonymity of the group enables people to freely share their experiences without worrying about judgment or social shaming.

contemplative-man

Alexander Rhodes, a web developer, created the group in 2011 to share his experiences with quitting masturbation after regularly getting off to pornography 10 times a day. Rhodes recently told UpVoted that he would rush to the bathroom anytime he felt the urge to masturbate and even experienced heart palpitations when he wouldn’t do it.

But when he stopped solo play entirely, Rhodes became more focused, energetic and productive.

“I gained an energy that can be applied to every area of life,” he told UpVoted. “It is hard to explain in words.”

Last year, Vice U.K. writer Ed Smith reported experiencing a similar productivity increase after quitting.

“I got work done, I kept my house clean, I finished off personal projects that procrastination had always forbid me from finishing,” Smith wrote. “I realized that a self-enforced period of blue balls can actually be a lot better for the mind, body and soul that I’d first assumed.”

Why people masturbate compulsively and how porn plays a role in it.

When Rhodes created NoFap, he found that many people in the community felt they suffered from porn addiction. Three years ago, Cambridge University researchers conducted a study on NoFap members and found that the brain activity of compulsive porn consumers was similar to the brain activity of people addicted to drugs. Though neuroscientist Matthew Johnson told Upvoted that he doesn’t believe watching porn can reprogram the brain, he said it’s likely that compulsive porn consumers are likely predisposed to addiction. In other words, a person might masturbate more frequently as a result of being predisposed to addictive habits.

man-behind-laptop

A recent video created by The School of Life reports that there are indeed neurological factors at play with compulsive porn watching habits.

“The problem of porn is identical with that of food,” the video says. “Brains that were geared to take quick advantage of the occasional presence of a few berries are now defenseless before the vats of artificial sweetness turned out by our remorseless technologies.”

How too much masturbation and porn consumption impacts your personal life.

Porn and masturbation can present conflict in certain relationships, and some people consider both of these activities to be cheating. This is part of the reason porn addiction and compulsive masturbation carry a social stigma. Fighting the urge to watch all the time can be challenging for many because it’s difficult to find a comparable high. Porn addiction can also make it difficult for some people to enjoy sex in real life because to them, it might not be as arousing or fun as sex in porn.

People who compulsively view porn may also find themselves watching porn at work: In a recent study, around two-thirds of human resources professionals discovered porn on employee computers and nearly half of them discovered the material on more than one occasion.

porn-couple

In the end, Smith gained a lot from quitting masturbation, but he did admit that this choice can make you sexually frustrated.

“The litany of distractions provided by work and hobbies are helpful, and if you can keep them coming then you might be OK,” he wrote. “However, it makes sense that not masturbating will up your sex drive. Therefore, in my experience, chastity is something best enjoyed – somewhat paradoxically – with a partner.”

Here’s why masturbation is still important.

The point isn’t to quit solo play completely; it’s more about figuring out the place and purpose of masturbation in one’s life.

Jim Pfaus, a psychology professor at Concordia University, told Ed Smith in the Vice article  that giving up on masturbation 100% “will not kill us, but it will deprive us of important self-discovery…[Masturbation] is a great stress reducer – there’s evidence that having sex or masturbating can reduce our resting heart rate for up to 12 hours,” Pfaus said. “Plus, it does our sex lives the world of good to learn our sexual rhythms. We connect [through masturbation] to the types of action that we see in erotic or pornographic visual stimuli. This feeds our sexual fantasies, which is an enrichment of our creative process.”

Taking a brief break from masturbation can actually increase arousal for having sex or masturbating. This hike could lead to more rewarding sex for people when they actually engage in it. Members of the NoFap community reported a host of benefits:

NoFap screenshot

“Holding semen in does not increase the likelihood that any of the constituents will ‘leak’ back into the blood,” Pfaus said. “However, if you are holding it in, that means you are not having sex or masturbating, which could increase your arousal in anticipation of actually having sex. I think this is the ‘energy’ that the purveyors of tantric sex talk about. Learning how to maintain erection and hold off ejaculation makes the orgasm experience more intensely pleasurable. This is true for us and rats. So the increase in ‘energy’ is more psychological and belief-driven than anything else.”

As Women’s Health Magazine writer Kristen Solleen noted in a 2014 piece, masturbation can be even more rewarding than sex in some cases, as sex requires both partners to be in the mood.

“[Y]ou don’t have to shave or dress sexy, and you definitely don’t have to think about anybody else’s needs but your own…masturbating is the gift that keep on giving,” Sollee wrote.

Originhttps://www.attn.com/stories/5603/what-happens-when-you-stop-masturbating?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=post&utm_campaign=internal

 

Experience · Sociology

Teach children about pornography before puberty, says Labour

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Pupils in a sex education lesson. Photograph: Martin Godwin for the Guardian

Children should be taught about the realities of pornography and online grooming before they reach puberty, when they will start accessing sexually explicit materials for themselves, the shadow women and equalities minister has said.

Pupils as young as five need to start new age-appropriate relationship education to keep them safe from abusive relationships, according to a report by Sarah Champion, the Labour MP for Rotherham, whose constituency was at the centre of a child sexual exploitation scandal.

Her Dare2Care report, launched in the House of Commons on Tuesday, cites a survey of more than 1,000 children aged 11 to 16, which found that at least half had been exposed to online porn and 94% of this group had seen it by the age of 14.

“The girls who I speak to say boys’ attitudes towards them change at about 11, and so we need to be there before that,” Champion said. “Unless you give them the context before they see porn, it’s too late.”

Current statutory guidance is for sex and relationship education to begin at key stage 3, covering ages 11 to 14.

Champion, who resigned and then decided to return to the frontbench during the Labour leadership crisis over the summer, said the government should not be too naive to tackle the effects on young teenagers of watching porn or being sexuality exploited via social media or online gaming.

“It is natural for children to be curious about sex, but without good statutory education, children do their own research through online pornography,” her report says. “Children are regarding porn as a lesson in how to have sex, without the context or the understanding to view it as a fantasy, promoted by an industry that normalises violence against women and girls.”

The report calls for new relationship education to “ensure children have the knowledge to contextualise or challenge what they are viewing online and in the media, and also provide the tools to rebuff harmful requests and behaviour from abusers”.

Champion, who interviewed dozens of young people for the report, said she had been disturbed by their stories of sexual exploitation and abuse. In one class in Rotherham, Champion said, one young boy asked: “If I have a girlfriend, do I need to strangle her when I have sex with her?”

“He just wanted a straight answer. Because there had been no real education about it, what do you do? You go online, they are finding porn, and that’s what people do in porn.”

Champion said younger pupils “don’t have the context to see that this is a fantasy” and believed it was “a manual”.

Younger girls who spoke to Champion for the report told her they believed it was obligatory to have anal sex or to be shared between a partner’s friends if they wanted a boyfriend to remain faithful, she said.

Justine Greening, the new education secretary, is understood to be receptive to the idea of reformed relationship and sex education, including new guidelines for the digital age.

“She has given us warm words about this, and there are lots of simple wins here on curriculum additions,” Champion said. “And it has to be for all children, across the board, because it doesn’t just happen in the state school sector.”

Champion said she would also like to see new preventive strategies become one of the main focuses of the independent inquiry into child sexual abuse, led by Prof Alexis Jay.

“Theresa May wanted to do something and agreed to this inquiry without realising what a Pandora’s box they were opening,” she said. “Had they set timelines, had they set other parameters, I don’t think we’d be in the mess we are in now. I’m grateful to her for launching it, but she has given a real poisoned chalice to the various chairs.”

Champion said it was clear that survivors wanted recognition from the inquiry, as well as recommendations for prevention for the future. “They want closure, and they want confirmation that they weren’t lying for 30 years and I think that is something we do owe to them,” she said. “But I have always found that you need to be honest and upfront at the beginning, and there should be very specific parameters.

“Without giving that clarity, everyone puts their own projections on what it’s going to be, and you can only fail to meet them. And all we ever hear are the problems, and we need to hear far more about how it is going and the timescale.”

Originhttps://www.theguardian.com/education/2016/nov/01/teach-children-about-pornography-before-puberty-says-labour

Experience · Guide · Perspective · Psychology

10 Complaints Sex Therapists Hear All The Time

What do couples talk about when they sit down with sex therapists?

We asked seven sex therapists and psychologists from around the country to share the problems people in relationships bring up most frequently in their offices. See what they had to say below.

“Women who come into my office often tell me they wish they could climax the ‘real’ way — through intercourse. The clitoris, however, not the vagina is the center of her sexual and pleasure nerve endings. In fact, only about 15-20 percent of all women can climax during sexual intercourse and even then she needs lots of vibration, manual or oral stimulation to get her close. For those who still want to try likely positions, I recommend two with good G-spot-penile contact: Either woman-on-top at a 45 degree angle, or woman-lying-on-her-back on a relatively firm surface with her hips rocked up (for instance, with her knees hooked around his elbows).” — Laurie Watson, LMFT, certified sex therapist 

“The most commonly reported problem I hear about is what sex therapists call ‘desire discrepancy’: One partner wants sex more often than the other and in a more erotic way. In the beginning of a relationship, the higher desire partner probably kept the erotic energy going in the marriage and it was fun and sexy. After a while, if you’re the lower sex-drive partner, it can feel annoying and even manipulative to have a partner who is constantly looking for sex when you aren’t into it.  Sometimes it’s just because the sex isn’t that great; working on discovering the kind of sex both partners want can improve the performance and eroticism of their sex life. Or it could be that there’s tension and frustration in the relationship and it’s leaking over into the erotic part of the relationship. If that’s the case, it’s a hard climb over that kind of resentment in bed. But talking about what’s bothering you can actually bring you closer and make you more inclined to want to make love.”  — Tammy Nelson, certified sexologist and sex therapist and the authorofGetting the Sex You Want

“When a man is in a relationship, the most common performance problems are premature ejaculation (PE) and erectile dysfunction (ED). In both instances,​ ​the men end up with ​strong​ performance anxiety which can cause them to avoid sex and intimacy. Women whose partners are dealing with ED may feel insecure that their partners are no longer attracted to or desirous of them.  To move beyond performance anxiety, men need to focus on their own bodies and pleasure and worry a little less about their partners. Learning to focus on pleasure, relaxing your body and your breath and letting yourself enjoy the experience help tremendously. If you’re his partner, it’s essential not to take it personally and to be gentle with him. Supportive partners who do not require that their partners function perfectly all the time have the best chance of resolving these issues. “ —​ ​Danielle Harel, Ph.D and Celeste Hirschman M.A

 

“People frequently tell me they want more variety in the bedroom. As time goes on, partners may express more desire for novelty or feel more comfortable letting their partner know they have certain activities they want to explore. While one partner might enjoy getting a few slaps on the behind or experimenting with anal play, the other may not want to try. It’s a sex therapist’s responsibility to assess for openness to change and underlying tensions that the couple may not be discussing initially.” — Sari Eckler Cooper, LCSW

“Couples seek sex therapy soon after having babies, sometimes because the woman feels too loose and says she can’t feel him inside her. I usually ask the woman if she has ever done Kegel exercises and I recommend she do twenty reps three times a day. If she wants quicker results, there are medical devices such as the Apex which inflates to fit and does your Kegel exercises for you through gentle electric stimulation. I also remind them that there is more to satisfying sex than just intercourse, such as mutual masturbation, oral sex and incorporating sex toys into their sexual pleasure.” — Ava Cadell, certified sex therapist 

“I frequently see couples where the man is confused about why he doesn’t want to have sex and the woman is the frustrated one. Without a clear answer, I end up asking a ton of questions trying to decipher why. If it’s because he feels too dependent or too close to his partner, distancing is the goal.  Most commonly, men complain to me about not getting the loving contact they want. He may feel she goes through the motions, treats sex like a chore, or just lies there when he wants more love, contact, emotion and presence. Women sometimes make the mistake of thinking their partners are just trying to satisfy a biological need and treat sex in a perfunctory manner, to ‘please’ the guy. But this shuts men down; they want more passion than that. I remind couples that passion requires engagement, expression, eye contact and trying to really feel. It’s more than touch.” — Brandy Engler, Ph.D and author of The Women on My Couch 

“Many women tell us that they either have never felt much desire or their desire has dropped considerably over the course of their life or relationship. There can be many underlying reasons why women are experiencing low desire. They might have had a lot of negative learning in their lives telling them that they were not supposed to want sex, they might not have been able to express their main fantasies or changing sexual desires to their partner or they might be feeling emotionally disconnected. This problem can often lead to sexless marriages or relationships. In the case of low desire, women need to get back in touch with their bodies and learn to ask for what they want. It can take time to address and requires patience, understanding and a willingness to learn on the part of their partner.” —​ ​Danielle Harel and Celeste Hirschman 

“I get a large number of men who call me from all over the country who tell me they struggle to ‘feel’ — meaning, they don’t love deeply or have sex with passion and they want that to change. I think its notable that most of these guys are in their late 20s or 30s. They’re past the stage of hooking up and they want to love their partner. I think they’re trying to integrate sex and love after years of separating the two. Men aren’t usually socialized to be emotionally expressive, unfortunately, but when a woman can be instrumental in opening that up in him, it’s truly powerful.” — Brandy Engler

“Couples often need help when one of them gets sick. For instance, a cancer patient might feel too broken or undesirable for sex, while their partner feels helpless. I encourage them to do different kinds of touching such as cuddling, massaging with feather light strokes, kissing and even just holding hands regularly. Bathing together can also be a healing experience that helps reduce strain on joints, relax muscles and increase blood flow. For something more sexual, if the person is sick feels self-conscious or insecure, I recommend he or she blindfold their partner and make love to them so they feel less self-conscious.” — Ava Cadell 

“Oftentimes a low sex or no sex marriage happens when a couple finds themselves in a rut of distraction or avoidance. They are distracted by work, by young kids or the business of everyday life. Whoever was the traditional initiator of sex stops initiating. The non-initiating partner waits, hoping things will get back to ‘normal.’  To get out of a low sex or no sex rut, talk to your partner. Throw out some ideas that you are wondering’ about — for instance, ‘I am wondering if we are both so tired at night that we should try for morning sex?’ Keeping your statements vague and phrasing them as ‘wonderings’ takes the pressure off and makes whatever sexual issue you’re avoiding easier to talk about. The truth is, it’s not your fault or theirs. Your sex life belongs to both of you.” — Tammy Nelson

Originhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-10-most-common-complaints-sex-therapists-hear-from-couples_us_56203b85e4b06462a13b8494?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

Experience · Perspective

4 Women-Approved Secrets About Breasts

woman in red bra

Breasts. We notice them. We admire, we imagine, we long. Sometimes women reveal very little, and we muse on what we can’t see. Other times women invite us in, and we can’t believe how lucky we are. Yet amid obsessing over what we’re dying to see and touch, we know very little about breasts as women themselves perceive them.

So to find the truth, we consulted female sex experts and surveyed more than 700 women. Everything you need to know is here, and it’s stamped official because it comes from breast owners. Heed this knowledge, and you will learn, in a very respectful and honest way, what every man craves: more access to breasts.

breasts

Women Don’t Think We’re Total Pigs About This

Three-quarters of the women we asked think men’s fascination with breasts is harmless. Seventy percent assume most guys are boob men. “I love it when men look at my breasts,” says Rachel, 23. “It makes me feel powerful, and there’s something carnal about it.” Of course, this is neither a ticket to leer nor an invitation to make crass comments, even in jest. “There’s really no excuse for not being courteous or maintaining eye contact with women,” says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., a sexual-health researcher at Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute and the Men’s Health Sex Professor.

So mind your manners—revel in breasts privately, respect them publicly, and revere the women who bring them into your life. For what would life be without them?

woman

Many Women Love Their Breasts More than You Do

Most of the women we surveyed consider their girls to be key parts of their sexual identity, as opposed to fashion accessories or mere body parts. Sixty-two percent think it’s more exciting to pull off their tops than their bottoms, and 78 percent prefer the woman-on-top position because it shows off their breasts better during sex. “A woman should be proud of her breasts,” says Vicky, 23. “They’re miracles of evolution, as versatile as a Swiss Army knife: baby feeder, pleasure enhancer, compliment grabber.” They often use them to their advantage, too—87 percent of women we surveyed think women who make an effort to show off their breasts receive preferential treatment.

woman on bed

Women Can Be Deeply Conflicted About Their Breasts

As women grow up, emotions related to their breasts may set in. “I happen to love my breasts now—but growing up, it wasn’t always like that,” says Levkoff. The fact that breasts are ever-changing only complicates matters. The average woman changes cup sizes six times during her adult life. Monthly cycles, birth-control pills, weight changes, pregnancy, and breastfeeding all alter the size, shape, and feel of breasts. “The sexiest thing a woman can wear is her self-confidence,” says Elisabeth Squires, the author of Boobs: A Guide to Your Girls. “If she’s the least bit insecure, then work to help her feel good about her body.” All you need, she says, is genuine enthusiasm, which probably won’t be a problem.

woman in bathing suit

In Bed, You Know Nothing About Them

Men tend to have two “touching” defaults, says Herbenick. “They tend to either touch her the way they enjoy being touched (which usually means firmer or rougher), or the way a previous partner liked it.” In either case, she may not like it that way at all. “Every woman will feel differently about her breasts,” Levkoff says. Here’s how to deal: Every time a woman takes off her bra in your presence, wipe away all memory of previous breasts. This works even if she is your partner of many years. Start over by pretending you’ve never seen them before. “You learn and relearn how someone moans, sighs, and squeals when you touch them,” Herbenick says. “You will never have to slip into an old routine.”

Originhttp://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/breasts?cid=soc_Men%27s+Health+-+MensHealth_FBPAGE_Men%27s+Health__

 

Experience

What I Wish I’d Known Before Watching Porn

Pornography is a charged subject, and it’s a word that rarely crosses the lips of most women. Yes, there are now breeds of the modern woman who watch, talk and joke about it regularly, but most of us still stay farther away from speaking the word than we actually stay away from it.

Over the last couple of years, men have begun to enter the discussion, but women have remained primarily silent. For most of us, it’s still the men’s world, but statistics show that, at least in Australia, more than one-third of pornography viewers are women. Just last week, I received an email from a girl who leads a small women’s group; they’d just discovered that every single one of them were watching porn.

When I was in high school, pornography was on the long list of “bad things” that I didn’t know much about — and unfortunately also on the list of things I had participated in. Nevermind why I was watching it, the how is the same for nearly all of us: We stumbled upon it because of someone else. And none of us knew what to expect, or how to handle it.

Later in life, I caught myself remembering how I used to watch it for a few minutes here or there, and wondered strictly out of boredom if it would fill the big, empty space of loneliness in my late nights. There were no parents around to hide from anymore, and no one checking my Internet history. Pornography was easy, and I never exactly knew why it was bad, particularly since I wasn’t actually having sex. To me, it was just something dirty that you probably shouldn’t have anything to do with. But “probably shouldn’t” never stands up against loneliness and boredom.

I am not one with an addictive personality. Meaning, I binge and then drop things quickly. I knew this about myself, and so I used this as an excuse for watching pornography. (I also used it as an excuse for getting wasted at other times in my life, but that’s besides the point.) I’d watch porn every night for a couple weeks, then not at all for a few weeks. Always off and on. Clearly I wasn’t addicted. Just like I smoked and never became addicted to nicotine and drank, but never became an alcoholic. I was just watching it, and could stop anytime I wanted. No damage done, because I was still in control. Right?

Not really. Nicotine still seared my lungs, and alcohol still did some decent damage to my liver and personal life. Just because we aren’t addicted doesn’t mean it does no harm. Even while I wasn’t “addicted” to watching pornography, I always wanted more. It existed as a guaranteed time-filler and pleasure-bringer, and when you get an hour to yourself, that’s an easy default. An easy default activity that establishes a heavy precedence in what you do with your next bad night.

I wish that 10 years ago someone had educated me on pornography. What it is, what it does and what it reaches in and destroys in the hearts, minds and bodies of men and women.

I wish that someone would have told me that researchers have suggested it sabotages your sex life.

I wish someone would have explained how dopamine, the chemical that is released every time you experience pleasure, drives you to return to what provided that feeling before.

I wish someone would have told me that the kind of pornography you’re most turned on by is usually linked to a corresponding hurtful event in your life, further injuring your brokenness.

I wish someone would have told me pornography would normalize things I wasn’t emotionally or physically ready to handle in my relationships with men, making me feel like I had no options or control over my sex life, filling me with much regret and physical pain.

I wish someone would have told me I would begin to objectify men, build up images in my mind and think of sex day in and day out, to the point where I couldn’t remain focused on anything else.

I wish someone would have told me it would make me feel less valuable to men and bring up insecurities for years in the bedroom.

I wish someone would have pointed out pornography can establish your sexuality completely apart from real-life relationships, causing huge problems in your intimacy with real significant others.

I wish someone would have explained what “sexual anorexia” was and that countless young men are unable to get erections because they’ve been watching porn since they were around 14 years old.

I wish someone would have told all the men I’ve dated that the porn they are watching is keeping them from being turned on by me, ultimately destroying our relationship.

I wish someone would have told me that the dopamine and oxytocin being released from my watching certain types of pornography would cause me to question my sexual orientation, which in turn cost me relationships with friends.

I wish someone would have told me it would subtly create a “victim” mentality in my mind, causing me to be even more sensitive than I already was to catcalls, whistles, and even sincere compliments.

I wish someone had talked about how women watch it too, so I wouldn’t have had to spend years living under the shame that comes with being “the only one” and thinking there was something wrong with me.

My “I wish” list is nowhere near complete, either. In the end, I simply wish someone would have told me why it was so harmful, instead of simply putting it on a list of things we don’t talk about. We all know our rights and wrongs, but seldom do we know what makes them so. Had I known how much it would have harmed me, I would have left it alone.

If you’re a woman who has watched pornography, or is watching pornography, studies are now showing that we make up more than one-third of pornography viewers. It’s no longer a taboo topic, and I would personally like to give you permission to speak openly about it. I guarantee you that you have friends who watch it, and are desperate to talk. Even in your church. Especially in your church.

Origin : http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lauren-dubinsky/porn-addiction_b_1686481.html

Experience · Perspective

This Is Why Porn Addicts Get No Respect From Sex Addicts

There are always people out there who look at sex addicts as glamorous in some way. I have had friends, coworkers, even therapists, who looked at my past as something to covet. They apparently think of me spending my days fucking an entire town full of beautiful women, smiling the whole time.

Of course this is ridiculous.

But there is one type of sex addict who does not have this problem, and that is the porn addict. Porn addicts don’t have it easy. They get no respect.

In 2007 I went to rehab because of sex addiction. Life had become really dark for me. Houses, jobs, friendships and marriages had been lost, and I was living with someone I hated, purely because she indulged my kink. There was no way I could pretend I didn’t have a problem anymore.

After a few weeks in outpatient therapy in Los Angeles, I went to a grimy rehab in Philly. Even grimy rehabs cost 10 grand a month, but the ones with equine therapy and massage cost 40, so here I was. (I later found out Russell Brand went to the same rehab as I did. He hated it, too.)

About a dozen guys were in there with me. Most of us were in relationships. Nothing says “sex addiction” quicker than being kicked out of your house. The few who were single were either just out of jail or facing jail time. Their participation was mandatory.

I quickly learned that there was a definite hierarchy in our little crew. It happens. You put a bunch of guys in a building for 60 days and there is going to be a lot of jockeying for position.

At the top were the guys who had a lot—a helluva lot—of sex. This makes sense, of course, because we were master manipulators, our skills honed from years of seducing and lying and having to talk ourselves out of extremely difficult situations. It was also because we had all sorts of fucked up stories to tell.

We would sit outside at night and choke down tons of smokes, and we would tell stories. Sometimes they were told with sorrow and other times with humor, but they were always told well. At times guys lower on the ladder would try to infiltrate our little smoking cadre, but they didn’t last long.

One of the things we had to do in group therapy was “victim lists.” All of us at the rehab did them. This was a litany of the people we had wronged as a result of our sex addiction. Almost all of the victims were women. There was only one gay guy, a male nurse whose thing was going to sex clubs and barebacking six guys a night.

One after another we would take our turn in the chair in front of the room and break down everything we had ever done sexually that had hurt someone. Some lists went on for two sessions. There was Part One on Tuesday and Part Two on Thursday: Guys would start when they were, like, 13 years old and, after an hour, only be up to their early 20s. The names just went on and on.

At the top were the guys who had a lot of sex. This makes sense because we were master manipulators, our skills honed from years of seducing and lying and having to talk ourselves out of extremely difficult situations.

This exercise was supposed to get the addict to recognize what his behavior had done to others over the years. It wasn’t titillating—at that point almost nothing was—but it still could be rather amazing. At the very least it was good theater.

Next down the hierarchy were the guys who did crazy shit. These guys were odd, there was no doubt about it. A few had gotten into trouble with the law because of their sexual predilections. Substances were often involved, too.

I remember one guy, Nate, an exhibitionist whose thing was dealing crack naked. Sometimes Nate wouldn’t put on clothes for weeks and people would come over to score and he would just sit there naked dealing it out and sucking on a pipe. That didn’t last long. Dealing crack while using it is like being a monkey trying to sell bananas. His stories went on forever and were filled with debauchery and “what the fuck did he just say he did?” moments.

Another guy would get two or three prostitutes and a bunch of coke and rent a hotel room for a few days. The prostitutes weren’t allowed to move, he didn’t fuck them. They had to just stand there like naked mannequins while he snorted coke. When one finally couldn’t stay still any longer, he would throw her out and call the service for a new one to be sent over.

Next there were the guys who were just sad and destroyed. We all were sad and destroyed to a certain extent, but some guys in there never had a chance.

At the bottom, on the lowest rung of the hierarchy, came the porn addicts. The rest of us looked at them and thought, “What the hell are you doing here?” We never said that to them, of course, we tried to be supportive, but their whole thing seemed so trite.

There aren’t any good stories that go with being a porn addict. There are no games to be played, no skills involved, nothing to make your fellow addicts or society at large envy you. You watch porn, you beat off. That’s it.

If you are a porn addict, the odds are you are depressed or at least isolated socially. If you have a wife or a girlfriend, you are either hiding your behavior from her, or she thinks you are a freak. If you are single, it is probably because you are spending the majority of your time beating off. Maybe you lost a job because you watched porn at work. Maybe you flunked out of college because all you did was watch porn. It is also possible you are in financial trouble because of your habits. When you feel anxious, when you feel alone, when you feel bored, you watch porn and beat off.

There was one guy, Sean, a normal middle-aged business type, but around us he tried to talk like he was Chuck D from Public Enemy. He wore “Life Is Good” t-shirts. He even went to prayer group.

Sean had a rather typical story. He liked to beat off to porn and got caught by his wife. She freaked out and threatened to leave him. He kept doing it and she caught him again. She left him and here he was, trying to get help so she would take him back. To many of us this was rather unbelievable. Most of our girlfriends and wives would have been thrilled if all we were doing was watching porn.

The only person lower on the chain was the phone sex guy. He was a poor oaf who was dropped off by his wife for 30 days, to try and break him of the habit of spending a fortune getting off via voice stimulation. He went from spending 10 bucks a week to a hundred dollars a week to a thousand a week. He started off having phone sex with women, then went to phone sex with men.

At the bottom came the porn addicts. The rest of us looked at them and thought, “What the hell are you doing here?” We never said that to them, of course, we tried to be supportive, but their whole thing seemed so trite.

It isn’t that I am saying porn addiction isn’t real. Of course it is. As with other sex addicts, Internet porn addicts associate intimacy with pain, tend to be emotionally insecure and isolated, and avoid reaching out to other people.

One of the biggest issues as a porn addict is that your sobriety can be ruined in a matter or seconds.

A guy who has serial affairs has to put in some work, he has to be charming, he has to say and do the right things. I would sometimes spend weeks, or even months, working on someone. A guy who goes to strip clubs or goes to see prostitutes has to do some planning. If he is in a relationship he has to figure out how to get out for the night, what his excuse is going to be. Even if he is single he still has to get in the car and drive to the club, or he has to wait for the prostitute to show up.

But the porn addict can access his hit in seconds. He is in danger the second he gets on the computer. There is no forethought or planning needed. Just one image, or thought, can trip up the porn addict and he’s right back in the game.

Sean tried hard to ingratiate himself into my little circle of assholes who did bad things, but it never worked. There were no commonalities. The guys I hung out with had done some truly wild and horrible things, and we were full of false bravado, which of course was part of our problem in the first place. Oh, it wasn’t that we were at all superior about who we were, we actually were different. Right?

We weren’t, of course. We were there for the same reason that Sean was. In fact, Sean, in limiting his desire to porn, was doing much less damage to himself, his wife and his community.

One day Sean complained in group therapy about the cliques. He said that one group (mine) didn’t participate, we just hung out and had smokes outside and made jokes, we didn’t go to prayer group, didn’t hang out with the rest of the crew.

And I got that. I got where he was coming from. He was here, and he was trying. But he went at it all wrong.

Whereas before we tolerated Sean, now we shunned him completely. Which was bullshit of us obviously. But in those situations you do what you do.

When my 30 days were up, they suggested that I stay longer because they thought I needed more help, but I wasn’t into it. I had enough of working on my shit. I was done.

They asked the same of Sean. He stayed without question.

Origin : http://www.substance.com/this-is-why-porn-addicts-get-no-respect-from-sex-addicts/

Biology & Chemistry · Experience

Meet The Man With Two Functioning Penises

WARNING: There is NSFW material (including pictures) in this post. Please view with discretion.

Snakes and lizards have what is called hemipenes, which is essentially a two-headed penis. Two penises on one organism might sound pretty wild, but did you know it can occur on humans as well? About 1 in 5.5 million American men will be affected by a condition known as diphallia, resulting in two penises.Though diphallia is fairly rare on its own, actually finding someone who has the condition is made even more difficult by the fact that it usually accompanies highly deleterious congenital conditions, such as other duplicated organs or spina bifida. When the condition is severe, these defects are insurmountable.

The condition isn’t genetic, but could be caused by irregular homeobox gene expression during the 4th week of fetal development. This change in expression is brought upon by mutations in the genes or environmental factors.

The degree of the penises’ functionality is entirely dependent on the individual. Some have two penises that are of normal shape, size, and function, while others can have genitalia that is small, malformed, and unable to urinate or ejaculate.

One man who has two fully-functional penises goes by DiphallicDude (or DoubleDickDude, which morphed into DDD), as he is committed to keeping his real identity private. He is an American man in his mid-20s, living out on the East Coast. Beyond that, not much is known about who he really is.

About a year ago, he did an AMA on Reddit, that turned out to be one of the most popular of all time. He even submitted pictures as proof (obviously NSFW), if you’d like to see what diphallia actually looks like. When he said “Ask Me Anything,” Redditors did not hold back, dying to know what it is like living with that condition. It was revealed that DiphallicDude is bisexual, and has had sex with over 1000 people. While he didn’t go into too explicit of detail about his sexual experiences, he was able to confirm or deny most of the questions he was asked about the mechanics of everything.

His book, Double Header: My Life with Two Penises, was released on Christmas Day. It has been holding the title of #1 Bestseller for Kindle in 3 different categories. Upon the book’s release, he has done a series of interviews for radio and web. All of the sexy details left out of the AMA have been described in the book, in addition to all of the other ways diphallia has affected his life.

Recently, he gave an interview with BBC Newsbeat, discussing what it was like growing up. His parents cautioned him to keep his condition private and not tell other children. He said that he first thought to keep the secret so he didn’t make other boys feel bad for only having one, and it wasn’t until he was a teenager that he realized that he might have been the one getting ridiculed for being different. When he was in high school, he actually considered having one of the penises removed. He ultimately decided against surgery when he realized that it was something he always had, and it didn’t bother him.

View image on Twitter

Origin : http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/man-born-two-penises