When it comes to sex, it’s rare to stumble upon someone who doesn’t want to boost their sex life, including those who consider themselves to be a “Don Jon” in the bedroom. While new romances tend to spur some hot, and fiery intense moments of passionate lovemaking, this fire can quickly start to go out over time as sexy lingerie, and sex toys have collected dust in the drawer. Some couples are under the false pretense that because they’ve been in a relationship for years, they have to settle for less than satisfying, mediocre sex. Whether you’re looking to rekindle a flame between you and your partner, or just want to polish up your sex skills, it’s time to let your inhibitions run loose with these best-kept secrets to having the best sex ever.
1. Leave something to the imagination
While busy work schedules can keep us away from our partner for a minimum of eight hours a day, it’s important to keep the fire alive even while being physically apart. “They can send romantic and sexy text messages, and e-mails to each other during the day,” said Dr. Fran Walfish, psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, Calif., and author of The Self-Aware Parent to Medical Daily. These messages serve as friendly reminders of how much you’re sexually attracted to them, and how you appreciate their physical and internal beauty.
A simple “I love you” is effective, but a real moment of eye contact and mutual appreciation, can make a difference between a bored “love you,” and an enticing “love you.” Couples can even try to engage in early morning sex to get their morning started on the right foot. This can encourage partners send messages to each other about their risqué morning quicky. A study conducted at the Sydney IVF Clinic in Australia found frequent morning sex can improve sperm quality, and even improve fertility in a woman.
2. Spend at least one day a month away from your partner
Couples who have separate lives, or do things independently have the opportunity to miss each other, and actually appreciate the time they spend together after a brief, or short time away from each other. A 2013study found a night away from your partner can improve the amount of sex in a relationship, as partners tend to convey more energy, and less feelings of stress about problems at home. Walfish believes no one is attracted to a dependent personality, and when individuals begin to develop, and nurture their own areas of interest, they appear more attractive and appealing partners.
3. Talk in the bedroom
Couples should communicate their sexual needs and wants to each other in the bedroom. “I find one the weakest links in the bedroom, particularly for women, is not vocalizing what feels good to them,” Walfish said. She believes men are better than women when it comes to asking for their bedroom needs and wants to be fulfilled. This is due to a generation and cultural thing as women were previously taught to be the homemakers, cook, and clean, and do their duty in the bedroom, while men brought the pay check home.
Walfish suggests men need to become more comfortable at requesting specific things they want, such as the frequency, the speed, and the type of sex they want and need. The statistics for men cheating in a relationship are much higher, and in order to cut that number down she says, men should get more comfortable asking what they need from their partners, and wives, which may help preserve fidelity. Sexual desire tends to be one of the most common contributing factors as to why people cheat.
Therefore, men and women, speak up about what you want in the bedroom to have more satisfying sex. A 2012 study found those who talked about sex while participating in the act, were even more sexually satisfied than their non-verbal counterparts. For those coy about verbalizing sexual desires, start with non-verbal cues to give your partner clues to your deepest and darkest desires.
4. Try something new together
Couples who have fallen in a rut, or into a predictable routine need to shake things up in, and out the bedroom. Lesli Doares, a marriage and family therapist in Raleigh and Cary, N.C., advises couples to go on vacation, and spend lots of time together outside of the bedroom. This will translate to more fun when they get back to the bedroom. “[C]hange up time of day, positions, role play, or whatever feels good, Doares told Medical Daily. “Developing a sense of humor about sex and intimacy can go a long way to improving it.”
Research shows a small, and simple change can even yield higher rewards in the bedroom. Although counterintuitive from the previous piece of advice, Walfish told Medical Daily, when it comes to getting out of a rut, “use your fantasies and shut your mouth.” “Do not share your fantasies with your partner.” This can stimulate rivalry, and jealously. She added, “’if you want to screw the NFL, halleluiah and cheers, but don’t tell your husband!” When it comes to sex, put all your worries in a box, lock the box, and leave it outside the bedroom. “Free yourselves to enjoy the moment,” Walfish said.
5. Decorate your bedroom purple
Whether purple is your favorite color or not, it can do wonders for your sex life. A study done by retailer Littlewoods.com found those who had purple décor, had approximately four intimate encounters a week. Red bedrooms came in second with about three intimate encounters a week. Go ahead and buy some purple bedding, or furniture to have a more active sex life.
Take these bedroom tips into consider to boost your sex life. “It is important to make any corrections outside of the bedroom at a time when you are both feeling positive about the relationship,” Doares said. Sex is very personal, and it can become easy to get hurt and defensive about it.